Always Alivenkickin"

2009-07-07T19:48:00.001-07:00

i've moved!!! ^^

http://alivenkickin1506.blogspot.com

go tag go tag! ^^

2009-07-07T07:27:00.000-07:00

人总是在得到的同时失去很多很多东西，

值得吗？

2009-07-05T18:34:00.000-07:00

Even if being optimistic and happy on the outside
will make you think that I'm childish,
I still want to stay this way,
coz i dont want everything in your world to be as sad and complicated as the world i see,
i want to be your source of joy,
even if that means that you'll view me as a clown.

2009-06-26T02:06:00.000-07:00

is there really something such as meeting the right person at the wrong time?

2009-06-13T07:07:00.000-07:00

went to sch yesterday to collect my a level certificate
and the worst happened.
or rather, to me, it was the worst thing that could happen o.0

basically, i suddenly felt very faint after walking to the science block.
so i toppled onto one of the benches at a corner,
but the pain and faintness just wouldnt go away,
in fact, it got worse.
things didnt black out this time but i just felt that i ran out of all energy.
i didn't feel like eating or drinking anything,
my abdomen was hearting like hell,
and cold sweat flowing profusely like no one's business.
was going to call for help, knowing that jieyee and tianyi were around the corner at bukit timah plaza, but just at that time, my handphone ran out of battery.

struggled for really long,
falling off the bench and toppling onto the floor,
but no position that i took could make me feel better,
and the funniest thing was that a cleaner walked past me and said,
"why sleep on the floor? sleep on top lah!" before walking away.
really wanted to ask for help but had no strength at all.
no strength to speak, no strength to even prop myself up.

after a while i decided that i couldnt continue this way so i forced myself to get up,
walked to the main gate of the school and hailed a taxi.
had no strength to talk to the taxi driver at all,
so i just said my address and shut up for the whole ride,
didnt mean to be rude to him but i really couldn't respond to him,
every single movement or vibration of the car made me feel fainter and nausea.
got home and immediately laid down on the floor before making my sis called my mom,
but had no strength to speak to her.
sighx.

after a while it got better and i went to see a doctor.
conclusion?
low blood sugar level.
apparently very common thing to have.
and no cure for it.
o.0
other than painkillers which were useless since i wasnt feeling any pain at that time already.
-.-
but was really freaky and really hoped that i had someone there beside me at that time,
but no one was and all sorts of things were going through my mind.
sighx.
i must have looked like some mad woman to those cleaner aunties.

....
><

2009-06-13T03:22:00.000-07:00

went out for lunch with WY today.
come to think of it...it's the first time that we're going out after knowing each other for so long!
and it's to celebrate my birthday lolx.
or rather, coz i'm leaving already. o.0

hahax...nevertheless, i really appreciate the fact that he actually remembered my bdae
(coz he almost never does) lol!
we went to new york new york and bought the meat platter for 2
(zomg so sinful)
was super yummy!!!! =D

talked a lot and the people beside us ordered the same platter too! ^^
i guess this is wat you call influence =D
well...it's been a long time since we chatted so we stayed there talking for quite long...
hmm... realized that we havent caught up with each other for quite some time...
even though we meet "often", we dont get to talk "often"

anw.

has got lotsa things laid out for me within the next few months.
i'm both excited and tired.
coz i cant seem to find the perfect time to go back to china sighx.

2009-06-01T09:39:00.001-07:00

Today is the 1st of June. Children's day.

there was a lot of happiness, some disappointments here and there,

but the general feeling was that of nostalgia.

As the date of departure draws nearer,

I am already starting to miss all those dear to me.

Took my sister out today for a girl's night out with some friends,

and as i held her hand and walked through the shopping centers while waiting for my friend, i couldn't help but start to feel a sense of sadness within me.

My sister has been someone really close to me,

someone who has been so good to me,

someone whose existence i have taken for granted of,

and someone i haven't treated as nicely as i should.

She was someone i've always let down,

always disappointed,

yet always held hope for me,

always doing things for me,

despite how strict and demanding i was with her.

How was i going to give her all the love that i could with the last few weeks that i've got with her?

I feel that i'm such a lousy sister,

one who doesn't really deserve the kind of love and concern that my little sis has been showering me with.

No matter how much i've tried to live my life without regrets,

i still leave a few things here and there not tended to,

and the way i've treated my sis would be one of the biggest regrets i'm ever gonna have in my entire life.

While she was hugging me on our way home today,

i felt a little heartache for her,

felt sorry for all the tears that i've caused,

felt sorry for not adding more laughter and happiness to her life.

Then i started thinking about how it's always like that.

How we always learn to cherish certain things,

only when we're starting to lose them.

(this is in no way totally analogical to my sister's case, it was just a general link that i drew while thinking on the train)

We start to realize how we missed single-sex schools-

the pureness, the carefree-ness, the recklessness-

only after we've gone to co-ed schools and.

well.

shall not elaborate further on THAT part of the story.

We start to realize how a relationship is going in the wrong direction right at the last minute.

we start to get further and further away from that someone,

until one day, he/she finally finds another someone to replace you,

and comes back to you saying,

"oh, you know, i used to like you. but because you were.....*blah blah*"

And then you realize it was a "destined-to-be" not so "destined-to-be",

all thanks to you.

Or when you realize that you're leaving school,

finally, but not SO "finally",

coz you realize that everyone else was going their different ways,

and that you guys may never cross paths ever again...

you suddenly start to miss school and want to cherish every moment you have left with the class, no matter how many awful memories you've had in there,

only to get swept away by A levels,

waking up from the nightmare to realize that it's all over.

who is there to blame?

other than ourselves?

i've got that much time to make things better,

and i know where my priorities lie.

2009-05-30T09:29:00.000-07:00

please don't tell me that after all those struggles---

getting to know you,
becoming great friends,
becoming a little more than friends,
losing hope,
taking in the horrible news,
learning to treat you like normal friends,
trying to forget you...

---that it was all a mistake.
and that you were another "meant-to-be" that i missed.
How ironical.

2009-05-29T02:16:00.001-07:00

i like this quote from kungfu panda:

yesterday is history,
tomorrow's a mystery,
and today,
is a gift.

that's why it's called the present =)

2009-05-21T18:12:00.001-07:00

omg.
a lizard just creeped across me on the computer table.
z
o
m
g

O.O
since when did lizards become so bold?!?!

2009-05-11T07:36:00.001-07:00

Perhaps some of the greatest disappointments in life arise
when you realise that those you truly care for
and regard as "the special ones" in your life
don't really treat you the same way or worse still -- don't give a damn about you.

ie.

when someone you've always thought was your best friend
hides things from you/rejects your offer to help/closes his.or.her heart on you
*p.s. no knocking*
and you could only find out about what he/she's been up to lately
through the mouth of others,
getting in return looks of disbelief and exclamations such as "i thought you knew? Aren't the two of you best friends?"

OR.

when someone you've always given your best to,
being there for him/her whenever he/she needed you,
suddenly stops contacting you as if you were just another insignificant passerby in his/her life.
you try time and again, to approach that someone
and salvage a friendship that you gave so much to and never gained much from,
only to get back cold remarks and frustrating one word replies like
"WHAT?!" "errrrrr." "oh. whatever."
and just as you were wrecking your brains over what you had done wrong,
he/she started to avoid you as if you are some H1N1 influenza virus,
and you're left in the middle of nowhere, alone,
with memories of the past so clear yet so unreal.

OR.

when you throw down all your work and rush to the airport/some other place
to send someone off, worrying all the way whether it would be too late,
whether that someone would be gone by the time you reach there---
only to realise that he/she doesn't need you there at all.
You meet him/her, hands over the present you spent the whole night making yourself, he/she gives you a smile, thanked you and stuffed it somewhere in his/her bag before leaving you there to join his/her own cool gang of friends.

you watch from a corner at him/her laughing and enjoying himself/herself
while you stand awkwardly behind the group, wondering if you should leave or stay. you knew it wouldn't matter if you left; but you wanted to see him/her off because you know you'd miss him/her dearly for the next few years that you guys would be apart.

...

but if you look back, what's all those sadness and disappointment for?

look around you,
perhaps someone has always been pouring his/her deepest secrets and worries to you, but it was so routine that you even got irritated at time.
perhaps someone has been calling you every single day,
but because you knew the calls would come, so you never thought of them as anything special, never making the effort to listen attentively to the voice on the other side.
perhaps someone's been waiting for your call all day,
knowing that it was a special day to him/her and that you'd never forget,
but you were too busy thinking of that someone else who forgot about your special day, and drowning yourself in meaningless sorrow.

perhaps,
we were all blinded by our desires to be a special someone to those whom we think --- are our special someones.
but take a moment off that hectic life of yours,
where you thought that you were alone:
talk to those you know you've been giving the cold-shoulder/dao to,
listen patiently to those you've been "too busy" listen to,
cherish the existence of those who care for you,
savour just an extra moment,
the warmth of receiving a simple "how are you" sms;
and you'll realise that;
those who only look for you when they need your help don't deserve your attention,
while those who'll be there for you whether you need them or not,
showering you with love every single day of your life,
are those who really need your love and concern too =)
Choose wisely,
the people whom you give your heart and tears to,
coz giving them to people who cannot appreciate,
is equivalent to dumping them into the drains.

-----

Maybe someday he/she will wake up remembering that
once upon a time, there was that someone who cared so much for you,
someone whom you shoved aside whenever she tried to be a minimal role in your life, though all she wanted was to know how you were,
but you felt that she was a nuisance.

So she left you, to realise her own dreams and heal the wounds that you gave her. She still checks out your blog every now and then to see if you're okay, and she'll smile looking at the happy photos you took with you new friends.

But there was no way you could get to her anymore. You never made the effort to keep in contact with her, since you always figured that she'll contact you someday. Her number and information were all gone coz you never bothered asking her for her new number before she left.

You think to yourself: why did i let her go?
She thinked to herself: i'm so glad i let you go.

Maybe that day,
you'll finally remember---- that you've forgotten about me.

2009-05-11T07:12:00.000-07:00

sometimes, i really feel that i've got the cutest and sweetest parents on earth,
just look at their reactions to some of the things i say: ><

mom: (after knowing i may be going to usa) what mommy's most afraid of...is that...you know america is a very different place, it's messier than here, no matter where u go, remember you're a chinese, remember your chinese values...they may be very open about certain things esp on...but u dont have to learn from them ok...
me: NO LAH. I WONT LAH. 你把你女儿想成什么样的人了？？
mom: really! you better dont....you get me.

me: daddy they say the spectacles need $140 leh..how...can u sponser me a bit... ><
dad: huh? go china and make lah!
me: but now got swine flu mah....
dad: hack lah! china cheaper, go china and make. $140, daylight robbery ah.
me: ok, they say total package $440. can?
dad: ......430 lah! 440...so 难听……
me: orh....(looks at optician) he says 440 very nan2 ting1, can 430 not...
optician: (helpless) ok ok, 430.

me: mommy, have you ever imagined that your daughter can go to the usa to study?
mom: yes. back when you were 7 years old and scored 100 marks for two out of three of ur school tests in primary school, your father came home and said "我把一个状元给你带回来啦！"

2009-05-08T03:05:00.000-07:00

Now that I'm at the crossroad of my life,
I tend to think a lot about the kind of future that i want.
Being indecisive has always been of trait of mine that i viewed as one of my weaknesses.
but at this point in life,
i must say, it has allowed me to think through more about life than many other people perhaps.
I'm very cautious about each step i take,
and yet very daring in trying out things that people may find unconventional.
This is perhaps driven by my fear for the feeling of regret:
if you know that you'll regret making a choice, dont make it.
if you know that you'll regret not taking the opportunity laid out in front of you, take it.

This seems simple but reflecting upon myself and my peers,
i realised that sometimes we tend to lose our own sense of direction.
during this whole period where applications to unis and scholarships are practically flying everywhere, it is not hard to see how some people tend to "zham" aimlessly.
i'm not faulting them for it,
coz sometimes it cannot be helped.
and i have to admit, this whole application process may well become one of the most memorable parts of life when we look back in future.
The involvement gives you a common topic to gossip about when you finally get to uni.

But then, while it is not wrong to try out more choices during the application to give you a wider range of options and possible back-ups,
the final decision-making is something i feel, none of us should take lightly.
if possible, dont even take the whole application process lightly.
coz too many people apply for the apparent prestige, for the possible profits in years to come, for the little interest they hope would sustain a life time, for the sake of proving they're as capable as their peers etc etc.
at the end of the day,
many make decisions to go to places they dont want to go to,
fight for things they feel no passion about,
work towards goals that others have set just to prove that they are as capable,
etc......
it's no surprise that many end up hating what they're doing,
and regretting decisions they made previously which they thought was the right thing to do since everyone else was doing it.

during this whole application process, many of us may have lost ourselves on the way,
but what i'm saying is that:
make sure you find yourself at least at the very end.
If not, change will be much more difficult than it is now.

think: what do you live for? the glory, the pride, the money, the passion, the excitement...
there's no right or wrong,
each of us would definitely have different driving forces in life that keeps us going,
just make sure that you know where you're going,
and what you're doing.
coz at the end of the day, it's YOUR life and what YOU want out of it for YOURSELF.

=)

2009-05-04T18:32:00.001-07:00

i'm very worried for my sis...
her results are like.....
zomg.
damn bad sighx*
need to help her the next few days,
i've got ZERO mood to do anything else.

2009-04-29T08:04:00.000-07:00

i'm really worried about the swine flu...
Hope a proper cure gets discovered soon.
Listening to what the WHO representative said,
it sounded really scary...
hope there wont be a pandemic ><
=(

and thanks to the swine flu,
my plan to go back to china in june may be going down the drain
sighxxxxx

2009-04-27T19:19:00.001-07:00

my mom cried last night....
i'm...at a lost for words...dont know wat i should do..
=(

2009-04-26T17:39:00.000-07:00

Mexico swine flu deaths spur global epidemic fears

Beef is no longer edible coz of the Mad cow disease.
Chicken meat is also forbidden coz of the H5N1 virus.
Now, even pork is inedible coz of the swine flu.

?!?!
guess we've only got fish left on the list!

2009-04-23T18:16:00.000-07:00

그남자의거짓말...

많이 울고있었더라도 사랑조차 주지 않겠죠?
많이 힘들었었더라도 거짓말만 내게 하겠죠?

사랑해서 그런거라고 조금만 더 참아 달래죠
기다리다 지쳐가요 난.. 외롭게는 하지마요

정말 내 마음을 모르나요?
나를 사랑하긴 사랑하나요?
마음이 느낄 수 없죠

사랑한다 사랑한다 그런 거짓말은 하지마요
기다린다 기다린다 내가 그래 하루만

오늘이 또 지나면 정말 떠나갈래요
내가 너라면 내가 너라면 안돼 하고 붙잡아요

사랑했다 거짓말해도
내가 기다린다 아니라해도
정말 미워한다 말을 해봐도
다시 그대품이 그리워지나봐

그댄 일밖에는 모르나요?
남자들은 원래 다 그런가요?
나보다 중요한건가요?

사랑한다 사랑한다 그런 거짓말은 하지마요
기다린다 기다린다 내가 그래 하루만

오늘이 또 지나면 정말 떠나갈래요
내가 너라면 내가 너라면 안돼 하고 붙잡아요

사랑받지 못한 여자가 있어요
시들다 못해 죽어버렸죠
내가 그래요

사랑한다 사랑한다 그런 거짓말은 하지마요
기다린다 기다린다 내가 그래 하루만

사랑한다 사랑한다 거짓말은 하지말아요
기다린다 기다린다 오늘도 이렇게 기다려

오늘이 또 지나면 정말 떠나갈래요
내가 너라면 내가 너라면 안돼 하고 붙잡아요

2009-04-23T06:32:00.000-07:00

CRY - Kelly Clarkson

If anyone asks,
I'll tell them we both just moved on
When people all stare
I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk
Whenever I see you,
I'll swallow my pride
and bite my tongue
Pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong

Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?
Cry

If anyone asks,
I'll tell them we just grew apart
Yeah what do I care
If they believe me or not
Whenever I feel
Your memory is breaking my heart
I'll pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong

Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?
Cry

I'm talking in circles
I'm lying, they know it
Why won't this just all go away

Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?
Cry
Cry



One day, we'll all have to move on. 
One day, I won't be on your priority list anymore. 
I'm bracing myself for that day...
But for now, 
i'll just like to say that i really 
really 
appreciate all the care and concern you've showered me with all these while, 
i choose to believe that they're from the bottom of your heart. 
i believe they are. 
i'll be happy for you, when you find your mrs right. =) 

また、あなたと距離を置いている
最近あなたの日記を見ると、好きな人がいるっていう感じがあるんだ。
うん。
あなたの優しさに頼り過ぎるかも。
私のそばにあなたはいなくなったら本当に慣れないと思う。
だから、
今から速くあなたはいない世界に行って、あんな生活に慣れたいんだ。
心準備が必要だ。
私は強くないんだから。

2009-04-21T03:11:00.000-07:00

Was flipping through my "book of happiness" today.
Realised that not long ago,
life was easy.
When i'm happy, i'll write about it all in my book of happiness.
When i'm unhappy, i'll complain about it in my personal diary.

But lately, though lots of things have happened,
i dont really go to them anymore.
i realise that writing has become such a tiring chore amongst all the stress you get in life.
When you really settle down with the determination to write something,
there's just so many things to write you dont feel like talking about it anymore.

Perhaps it's laziness,
but some feelings that i feel lately are just too complicated to pen down in words.

I realised that
though in the past things could be penned down,
sorrows can be shared,
now,
unhappy things are kept within me and tolerated,
and sorrows masked.

I wonder if that's a good thing.
Many often say, learn from the children,
they never laugh or smile for a reason,
they just do,
and life's so much happier that way.
But i guess as grown ups,
too many things make you unhappy,
so much so that i spend more time thinking about how to cover up your unhappiness,
ending up with no time to think of how to express your happiness.

i'm rambling.
but wellz.
IF.......i WILL....haha..

2009-04-15T07:07:00.001-07:00

Never postpone happiness for the future,

because you can never be sure a "tomorrow" will be waiting for you.

All you have, is NOW.

Dont walk with your head down,

look around you,

and allow yourself to be marvelled by the many wonders this blue planet has to offer

Always laugh more than enough

and cry less than necessary.

Always Give all the love you can

and accept all the love people shower upon you graciously

Because life is never about what is going to happen "tomorrow",

but what happens "now".

that is all the time you're going to have,

to savour all that life has to offer.

2009-04-11T06:33:00.001-07:00

哎~
又来了

2009-04-09T08:18:00.000-07:00

会受挫折，
才会成长。

别只想着草率地度过困难时期，
让它成为你成长的契机。

take on the challenge,
and emerge as a hero(ine).

2009-04-08T08:41:00.000-07:00

When i am down
and oh my soul so weary
when troubles come and my heart burdened be

and i am still, and wait here
in the silence

until you come,
and sit awhile with me

You raise me up, so i can stand on mountains
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas
I am strong, when i am on your shoulders
You raise me up, to more than i can be.

2009-04-07T08:08:00.001-07:00

just stop it already.
seriously.
ARGH.

2009-04-07T04:36:00.000-07:00

C'est la vie.

je retiens mes larmes

2009-04-06T06:50:00.000-07:00

i'm so sick of these tears.
the inevitable breakdown.
the choking voice.

i wanted to be cool about it.
but i couldnt.

moodswings are what you get when
you're really sad.
yet, u constantly try to pick yourself out of the darkness
just to get thrown back in again.

i'm tired of this cycle.
just
gimme a break.

2009-04-03T08:07:00.000-07:00

i DONT KNOW why i'm doing this to myself.
everything's just so excruciatingly stressful now.
why the hell am i doing this?!!?!?

let's all pray that april will be over soon.
and may shall come.
hopefully with good news.
ARGH.

2009-04-01T00:17:00.000-07:00

ignorance is bliss.

现在终于知道这句话的意思啦。
突然发现，
这世界好丑陋，似乎周围的阳光都是黑暗的伪装。
事实上，我们看到的不是笑容满面的太阳，
是爆炸后会摧毁人类社会的一个星球。
也许有些人的笑颜、亲切、甚至爱，
都是他们为了利用你而带上的面具。
也许这看似安定繁荣的社会，
已四面楚歌。

原来小时候爸爸妈妈不愿意让我们出去外面打工，
是因为不想让我们接触到着社会黑暗的一面。
现在慢慢看到了这世界丑陋的一面，
很怕以后的自己不再懂得纯真地笑，
不再能够自由自在地生活。

有些事情，
你不知道，
反而会更快乐。

2009-03-30T07:19:00.000-07:00

我快崩溃了。
好想哭。
真的好想哭。

从小到大，我没有叫过苦，
没真的为过什么事情如此伤心过，
只有这次，
我真的受不了了。

好几次眼泪快掉下来了，
但是想到她还需要我的坚强，就忍过去了。
让我想到kelly clarkson的歌，because of you.

好希望有个人能够给我肩膀靠一靠，
能让我抱着大哭。
听着ayaka的okaeri,觉得好讽刺。

为什么会这样。
为什么。
好像逃离这一切，不论用什么手法。

我会坚强。
我会的。
我不哭。
我再痛苦也不会让你们看到我的眼泪。

好想有个守护天使，能够带我离开这一切。

不。
我不会逃避的。
我会坚强面对。
属于一个人的坚强，哪怕是逞强也好，
我应该再熟悉不过了的。

我会微笑地去面对，
眼泪也只不过是沙子跑进眼睛里罢了，
你们都有权利哭，
责任都由我扛，
我会成为她的靠山，
我会让你们见识到什么才是成熟的表现，什么才是幼稚的。

爱，
好可怕的东西。
它让人变得如此懦弱，如此不讲理。
我痛恨它，
我开始质疑它。

我的伤我会自己照顾好，我会乖的，
永远保持着这完美的一面，
万方不哭，
万方绝对不哭，
不哭不哭不哭不哭不哭不哭不哭
万方讨厌爱哭鬼，
万方不会做爱哭鬼，
她不会哭的。
她绝不哭。

2009-03-29T05:52:00.000-07:00

WANFANG!!!!
YOU CAN DO IT!!!!
你可以的！！！
要相信自己！

~好感动哦

2009-03-27T02:51:00.001-07:00

Never really liked the feeling of rejection,

but to experience two rejections in a single day......
is really quite a lot to handle.

perhaps failure,
lots of it,
is necessary before you start to see a glimpse of success.

2009-03-26T09:19:00.000-07:00

想哭……
但那是懦弱的表现。

嗯，
我会坚强的。
我是打不倒的。
我行的。

2009-03-26T08:50:00.000-07:00

小的时候一直想快快长大，
想知道更多更多有关这世界的奥妙，
想探索那些人生中看似神秘的角落或隧道，
想变得成熟。

长大后却宁愿自己幼稚无知，
这么一来，
对于这世界丑陋的一面认识的也就会少一点，
受了伤后也会很快愈合，
也可以放声大哭。

有时候，
我选择逃避，
因为现实太残酷，
宁愿装作什么也不知道，
傻傻地、单纯地、等待美好的结局。

但若结局并没有期望中的好，
那也可以庆幸我并没有参与之前残酷的过程。

2009-03-26T08:41:00.000-07:00

很多时候虽然在听音乐，
但并不是真的在听，
有时候是为了把自己关在一个与现实有那么一点小小距离的世界里，
哪怕那距离多小，也非常之珍贵。

以前曾经害怕音乐关掉后，
必须面对的那种孤单、寂静

不过现在，
常常为了逃避现实，而听音乐，
因为害怕音乐关掉后，
听到不想听到的东西。

もういいかなあ？
もうやめてくれないか？

今天晚上应该睡不着了…………

2009-03-24T01:27:00.000-07:00

"I Believe I Can Fly"

I used to think that I could not go on
And life was nothing but an awful song
But now I know the meaning of true love
I'm leaning on the everlasting arms

If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

[1]
I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly

See I was on the verge of breaking down
Sometimes silence can seem so loud
There are miracles in life I must achieve
But first I know it starts inside of me, oh

If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

[Repeat 1]

Hey, cuz I believe in me, oh

If I can see it, then I can be it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

[Repeat 1]

2009-03-23T08:19:00.000-07:00

我老毛病好像又犯了。
今天不知怎的突然头晕全身冒冷汗，
记得上次医生告诉我一有类似情况一定要立刻蹲下来，要不然晕过去撞到不该撞到的地方就不好了。所以立刻坐在地上把眼睛关起来，试着让症状消除。
其实也无能为力，因为医生没有给我开过药，所以只知道闭上眼睛等身体慢慢恢复原样。

每次最怕的就是那种头晕发冷的感觉，
因为接着来的就是眼前的一片黑，然后全身发软。
医生好像说我的这种状况是因为肚子的一种病例所引起的，
也似乎挺多人有同样的病的。
不过还是会害怕，
特别是眼前发黑的那一刹那，虽然会努力地去睁开眼睛，
去试着控制自己的身体，但还是没办法。
那种感觉很无助。

也许是最近压力比较大的关系吧？
可是习惯逞强的我，已经分不清什么时候在逞强，什么时候不在逞强了。

2009-03-22T18:03:00.001-07:00

After talking to Rebaca last night, i decided that i shall NOT be an old woman without a life.
YES.
i shall get a life.
and it's going to start from banning myself from THAT thing.

i just have a feeling that sometimes,
i should think less.
coz reality often turns out far from what i thought it would be.
and rather than wasting time and energy thinking about those crap,
i should spend quality time doing....
getting a life.
yeah.
hahahahahaha.
><

有些东西，
要学会不在乎。

2009-03-22T07:12:00.000-07:00

i am so freaking irritated and frustated with uni applications.
They're the worst things i have ever encountered in my life.
and what frustrates me most is that
this PARTICULAR university does NOT save my entries for me
and does not ALLOW ME to save my entries!
what kinda crap is that?!?!?!
so when time's out, all that i've typed just freaking goes down the drain!
someone please enlighten me on what happened to technology?!?!?!

-.-
and the deciding of courses is DRIVING me crazy
coz my parents are thinking other wise and they're well,
insistent on their choices of my uni applications.
look. it's not like i'm applying to some weirdo course like UFO-studies or sth,
but why am i screwing my life for a future they seem to like?
and apparently,
according to signals my brain has been sending me,
it's a future that i find rather.......bleak.

arghhhhhh
烦死了

2009-03-21T05:24:00.000-07:00

Hmmm kinda in shock coz one of my cousin's cousin o.0 talked to me just now
and he was like going all emo
and....erm... yes emo.
like abt family stuff, abt love etc...
and how he wants to become some inuyasha character coz the character's got no feelings...

well it's weird coz i've only talked to him for 5 minutes at the most.
and he's not exactly my relative, distant one perhaps
and i never really liked him coz he was the one that made my cousin become some gangster
and he himself is rather gangster-ish....

so i was like. what??? o.0
didnt know how to react hmmm...
anw.
he dao-ed me in the end hahaha...

passer-by1: "ok, point of entry is....????"

fineeeee okok i'm bored and i feel like whining to someone.
gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

敢爱敢恨敢做敢当啦!

2009-03-20T10:25:00.000-07:00

誰か私のそばからあなたを奪うのが怖いんだ。
でも遅かれ早かれ、
あなたは私のそばからいなくなるはずですよね？
だんだん慣れなくてはいけないんだ、
あなたはいない生活、
あの寂しさも。。。

たとえ、
あなたはいつもある人にとって世界の全部だった。
でも、
今あの人の心にもうあなたの席がないんだ、
以前あの人の心にあなただけ存在できる所は今もうあなたの所ではない。
あなたは迷子になって、
どんな感じかなあ。

そんな日は絶対にいつか来るから、
その前にしなくてはいけない心準備。。。

どうしよう、あたしは。。。

2009-03-19T20:49:00.000-07:00

今日より、よくなる明日はあるの？
そんな明日を作るのは、
どのぐらい勇気が必要なのか？

2009-03-18T01:59:00.000-07:00

吃得苦中苦，方为人上人。 says:
WANFANG!
[wf] 别去强求那些不属于你的人事物 says:
?
吃得苦中苦，方为人上人。 says:
nothing
[wf] 别去强求那些不属于你的人事物 says:
.
吃得苦中苦，方为人上人。 says:
im bored.
[wf] 别去强求那些不属于你的人事物 says:
.
吃得苦中苦，方为人上人。 says:
what's with the dot.
吃得苦中苦，方为人上人。 says:
i very hungry leh
吃得苦中苦，方为人上人。 says:
i suddenly feel like hugging u hohoh
[wf] 别去强求那些不属于你的人事物 says:
........
[wf] 别去强求那些不属于你的人事物 says:
for wat?!
[wf] 别去强求那些不属于你的人事物 says:
am i that boingboing and huggable
吃得苦中苦，方为人上人。 says:
u're nice to hug!
[wf] 别去强求那些不属于你的人事物 says:
o.0
吃得苦中苦，方为人上人。 says:
YES BOING BOING!
吃得苦中苦，方为人上人。 says:
very correct
[wf] 别去强求那些不属于你的人事物 says:
...............................
吃得苦中苦，方为人上人。 says:
u've got tender meat.
吃得苦中苦，方为人上人。 says:
muahahahahhaa
[wf] 别去强求那些不属于你的人事物 says:
-.-
[wf] 别去强求那些不属于你的人事物 says:
o
[wf] 别去强求那些不属于你的人事物 says:
m
[wf] 别去强求那些不属于你的人事物 says:
g
吃得苦中苦，方为人上人。 says:
but yes boing boing is really the word

WHAT THE?!?!?! ><
like, am i supposed to feel honoured or....?!?!

btw. my earring dropped. AGAIN.
and the thing is that, it's always the big piece at the front that's dropping,
not that small thing at the back that holds it in place.
WHAT the.
i guess i'll find it after someone screams coz he/she stepped on sth.
yeap.

2009-03-16T16:48:00.000-07:00

Learning to Cherish...

为什么我们人总是这样，
贪心、爱逞强？
我们总是对于那些不属于我们的东西有所渴望，
对于那些不爱惜我们的人抱有希望，
却忽略了身边值得我们珍惜的人事物。

或许我们应该开始相信，
世界上都有属于我们每个人各自的人事物，
不要太贪心，总是望着别人手中的宝，
因为你手中握着的一定跟他拥有的一样珍贵。

别去苦苦哀求不珍惜你的人留下来，
抛弃自尊，认为你在为一个真挚的爱而奋斗。
因为你心里最清楚，他并不在乎你，
而你也值得被疼爱，不需要为他放弃一切。

“我现在是快乐的。
无需嫉妒别人的快乐。”

“快乐掌握在我自己手中，
我不需依靠他人给我带来欢乐。”

“明天，我会比今天更加快乐”

我们必须这样反复地告诉自己。

2009-03-16T03:44:00.000-07:00

Boa-Atlantis Princess
저 먼 바다 끝엔 뭐가 있을까 다른 무언가 세상과는 먼 얘기
구름위로 올라가면 보일까 천사와 나팔부는 아이들
숲속 어디엔가 귀르 대보면 오직 내게만 작게 들려오는 목소리
꿈을꾸는듯이 날아가 볼까 저기 높은 곳 아무도 없는 세계
그렇게도 많던 질문과 풀리지 못한 나의 수많은 얘기가
돌아보고 서면 언제부턴가 나도몰래 잊고있던 나만의 비밀
(이제정말) 왜이래 나 이제 커버린 걸까 (이제 정말) 뭔가 잃어버린기억
(지금 내맘) 이젠 나의 그 작은 소망과 꿈을 잃지 않기를
저 하늘속에 속삭일래 오예~

까만 밤하늘에 밝게 빛나던 별들 가운데 나 태어난 곳 있을까
나는 지구인과 다른곳에서 내려 온 거라 믿고 싶기도 했어
그렇게도 많던 질문과 풀리지 못한 나의 수많은 얘기가
돌아보고 서면 언제 부턴가 나도 몰래 잊고 있던 나만의 비밀
(이제정말) 왜이래 나 이제 커버린 걸까 (이제 정말) 뭔가 잃어버린기억
(지금 내맘) 이젠 나의 그 작은 소망과 꿈을 잃지 않기를 저 하늘속에 속삭일래 우우~
왜이래 나이제 커버린 걸까 (이제 정말) 뭔가 잃어버린 기억( 지금 내맘)
이젠 나의 그 작은 소망과 꿈을 잃지 않기를 저하늘 속에
속삭일래 우우예이예우-

너무나도 좋은 향기와 바람이 나에게로 다가와 어느샌가
나도 모르게 가만히 들려오는 작은속삭임
귀를 기울이고 불러보세요 다시 찾게 될거예요 잊혀진 기억
(생각해봐) 나 이제 더 이상 놓치진 않아 (소중했던) 나의 잃어버린 기억
(지금 내맘) 이젠 나의 그 작은 소망과 꿈을 잃지 않기를
저 하늘 속에 속삭일래
왜이래 나이제 커버린 걸까(이제 정말) 뭔가 잃어버린 기
억(지금 내맘) 이젠 나의 그 작은 소망과 꿈을 잃지않기
를 저 하늘 속에 기도할래

在那遥远海里有什麼秘密古老的故事消失了的传奇
飞到云层上面就可以看到小天使歌唱爱的旋律

我把耳朵贴近深深的丛林只有我听到那些小小的声音
就像梦幻般的长出了羽翼我可以飞起到没有人的天地

许多问题无从说起那无法连在一起被封存的回忆
不知何时开始才会都想起不知不觉慢慢忘记自己的秘密

什麼原因从长大时起失去了珍贵的记忆
从今天起要找回自己梦想不能够失去我在天空里窃窃私语 Oh Yea~

在那遥远无边神秘夜空里闪烁的星星就是我出生的地方
也许我是来到地球的精灵这就是我和别人不同的宿命

许多问题无从说起那无法连在一起被封存的回忆
不知何时开始才会都想起不知不觉慢慢忘记自己的秘密

什麼原因从长大时起失去了珍贵的记忆
从今天起要找回自己梦想不能够失去我在天空里窃窃私语

那风中的香气吹向我不经意听到了悄悄话
有些事情不需要说明只要能竖起耳朵用真心唤醒
看来又看去有过的曾经我一定会再次找到逝去的记忆

别跟我说不会再重逢把我最珍贵的记忆
从今天起要改变自己找回希望和梦想我在天空里窃窃私语

什麼原因从长大时起失去了珍贵的记忆
从今天起要改变自己找回希望和梦想默默的祈祷在天空里

2009-03-15T18:06:00.000-07:00

was reading jieyee's blog and my older entries
realised that
after we got to JC,
life seemed to have gotten really complicated and emo...
all those happy and crappy entries are gone,
what's left is just rantings of how horrible life is/was.

Perhaps at some point of time,
we must all learn to be better to ourselves.
Never cry and brood over someone who doesnt care about you,
and never beg for what is not meant to be yours.

learning to let go, may just be the hardest thing on Earth.
we may still be in the process of learning it,
but i guess we're half way through this torturous lesson
that would lead us to a better future =)

2009-03-12T22:13:00.000-07:00

只要坚持，奇迹一定会出现的。

凡是都有这么一个过程
你要想玩，那容易
可是你要达到一定的境界
就必须要走一段艰难的路

不是每个人都能过得去的，
只有少数人，
才能咬着牙扛过去。
只要扛过去，
你就能海阔天空，就能傲视群雄。

这种人就是英雄，
就是强者。

青春梦想
电视剧《青春舞台》片头主题歌曲
词曲：季忠平
演唱：韩庚黄奕

看蔚篮的天空有幸福的彩虹
是属于你和我编织的梦

轻轻乘着风甜蜜的遨游
青春的梦想手中紧握

不怕孤单寂寞不怕泪水坠落
我要飞越世界勇敢的承诺
坚持最初的梦幸福在转角等候
七色的彩虹点燃心中悸动
闪耀的梦照亮你和我
化成幸福的彩虹
张开翅膀天地任我疯涌
穿越绝望坚定的翱翔
绽放无限的笑容
青春梦想属于你和我

2009-03-12T18:25:00.000-07:00

厌倦
暧昧

2009-03-12T05:36:00.000-07:00

I hope.
really really really hope.
that you wont become one.

2009-03-12T02:17:00.001-07:00

Went for French lesson early this morning with Tianyi and i must admit.
i REALLY dont know how to pronounce all those words!
manxxxx.
and the guy beside me has funny hair.
i think he actually put a lot of effort into it but somehow...
it's not turning out alright...
and by that, i mean that he literally, REALLY, look like those people you see in cartoons whereby the character's hair sorta go spikey in all directions after an explosion? just that his face is not black with soot like those in the cartoons. ok, perhaps he's chasing an unknown trend called the "dragon-ball-hairdo" ??
and no, i'm not laughing at him, i'm just stating facts and writing down wat i see. =)

was walking to the MRT station with tian when we met Zhaoxiang!
hahaha...i recognised him from far away coz of the way he walks.
which is really unique.
really.
and somehow there's this really "nua" feeling everytime you're around him hahaha..
i dont know if you guys sense it too but whenever i see him, i just feel like slacking hahahahz.
ok he's gonna kill me if he sees this o.0

went to kinokuniya to look at books coz i needed to use up the JUGAS book voucher which i got like, 2 years ago?!?!!?
decided not to buy JAP books coz i'll go crazy reading it,
and decided not to buy JAP comics since i wont be able to stop buying them afterwards,
and decided not (yes again) to buy JAP magazines becoz i'm not really in the Jpop mood now...
soo....
i bought an english book on how to be happy ^-^v
and a chinese book on....i cant remember.
and a chinese comic on weight loss. wahahahah.

ok i know. and all that cost me around 50 bucks.
like. WOW. right? hahahahaha ^-^v

THEN.
i walked from taka to BUGIS, coz i had to collect my JLPT certificate.
and GUESS WHAT.
i feel like strangling myself *ARGH*
i reached bugis, and found out that OH. i didnt bring the verification letter that JLPT sent me!
like WOW.
i just wasted my afternoon walking under the freaking hot sun to realise that i was
like.
pure exercising!?!?!?1

gosh.
someone save me.

and i was like half way through a video yesterday,
and needless to say, i was staring at hot guys, when this lady from a scholarship board called me up and practically did a phone interview with me.
like what, has technology really advanced to that stage where interviews are no longer what it's called in chinese "面试",
or is it just me?
Perhaps i've been living in another world for the past few month under a particular trauma called "Alevels-results-are-coming-out-soon"?

DANG.
things are so screwed.
i need to get a grip of my life man.

2009-03-11T02:31:00.001-07:00

it seems like my naughty little cousin has a girlfriend!
i mean, wat else could his mushy posts and sudden change mean right?
-erps-
Well though i am disturbed by the fact that he's got a gf before i got a bf,
but that's
NOT
the point. =)

the point is.
i'm really rather worried for him since his studies arent good,
and a r/s at the age of 14 would definitely distract him further,
since guys back at home are always paying the bills and doing lotsa stuff for the girls.

but i'm in no position to comment am i?
*sighx*

2009-03-10T03:35:00.000-07:00

네가 다른여자 관심을 가지는것 정말 싫어해요

나는
너무 이기적인가요?

2009-03-08T20:56:00.000-07:00

女孩问男孩：“你在生我的气吗？”
男孩说：“我怎么可能生你的气呢？我永远都不会生你的气的啊…”
女孩听了虽然很高兴，但选择不相信，
因为她害怕接受男孩对她的好，
害怕哪一天若男孩不再对她好了，
她会不习惯，无法一个人独立生活。

其实很多女孩子都不知道，虽然很长时间没见面，但你会发现他手机里保存的可全都是你发给他的昧暖短信……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，他故意要你唱歌给他听，实际是喜欢你在和他温柔的争执表现出来的可爱脾气……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，虽然他嘴上说不在乎你跟别的男孩交往，可每当有陌生男人和你接触时，他总会偷偷地将眉毛紧锁，那是因为他在乎你……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，他并不怕你生气，只是怕你生了气、发过脾气后依然不理他，男孩的感情也同样细腻易碎啊……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，每天他脑子里装的全是你，就连走路都不小心摔了个跟头，当他起来拍拍身上的灰尘，嘴角也会依然挂着微笑，那是因为他在惦记着你……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，有些话只说一遍就够了，因为你已经了解他，说多了，他会觉得不珍贵的……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，他去机场接你不会像你期望中的那样——捧着玫瑰大声叫“亲爱的”，他只是自然地接过你的行李，然后用眼睛抱紧你似的心疼说：“哎，怎么搞的，怎么瘦得像豆芽菜了？”
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，当你发脾气时，他却只会不做声地等你把火发完，最后慢慢说：“你明天有课，早点睡吧……”
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，他总是叫你小姑娘，可是每次做什么重大决定前，他却总想先听听你的建议……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，他不喜欢玩具小毛熊，但却一直把你送给他的小熊放在床头……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，他很想很想你时，也会买玫瑰送你，然后傻傻地等你，却不知道自己捧的是月季；不过没关系，在他的心里——送的依然是玫瑰……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，即便他嘴巴不甜，但他的吻却可以传递他所有对你的热情……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，当你柔声细语对他讲很“酸”的话时，他反而会装得很正经，不过心里很甜很甜……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，如果不能经常见到你，他会让自己忙碌起来，为的是不去想你，因为他知道一想你将一发不可收拾……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，他会把你的相片放在他钱包里，这样就可以时刻陪伴着你……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，公车上他喜欢和你在一起拥挤，那是因为他喜欢听你近距离的呼吸……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，如果他在吃饭的时候目光呆滞，那是因为对面没有了你，他嘴里的饭是没有滋味滴……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，他会省下吃饭的钱，打个电话给远方的你……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，他会把别的女孩子写给他的情书偷偷藏起，因为他的心里只有你……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，自从认识你以来，他每天的生活都会很积极，因为他希望自己爱的女孩看到的是阳光的自己……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，他会数着星星找你的星座，因为你勾起了他漫漫的思绪……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，他不会轻易把自己脆弱一面展现给你，虽然他还不能给予你什么，但他会尽最大努力来保护你……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，他也会在他最最无助的时候想起你，当然，不是想要你帮他什么，只是希望你不要担心他……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，虽然他很少当面赞美你，可是在他心里你肯定是他最棒的……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，他会默默地记住你在不经意时说过的一些话，并在某时某刻不断地在心里重复它们……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，他从不会轻易地在你面前做出承诺，因为他想让自己成为你心中说话最算话的男子汉，只想给你最可靠最安全的幸福……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，他总告诉你不要胡思乱想，实际他已为你谋划出最美丽的未来，让你无忧无虑地等待他要给你的惊喜……
　　其实很多女孩子都不知道，也许他不像你那样能够清楚地记得某些纪念日，因为他觉得爱你应该是每时每刻的，而不是靠这几天简单的日子……

　　女孩们，男孩子是不会轻易哭泣的，只有面对你最爱的人时，才会变得如此脆弱；
　　女孩们，男孩子是不会轻易哭泣的，只有在太爱她的时候，才会放下男人的自尊。
　　女孩们，如果有个男孩正为你哭泣，那么请你拉住他的手，也许他真的可以陪你走完一生；
　　女孩们，如果有个男孩正为你哭泣，那么请不要放弃他，也许你的一个选择会毁掉一个人！

　　他真是那个不在乎你过去的男孩；
　　他真是那个每天风雨无阻接你上下班的男孩；
　　他真是每天晚上在床上和你一起数星星的那个男孩；
　　他真是愿意为你付出一切的那个男孩；
　　他真是心疼你做饭，自己偷偷学做饭，让你感到惊喜的那个男孩；
　　他真是不向你隐瞒他以前过去往事的那个男孩；
　　他真是当你受委屈最想见到的那个男孩；
　　他真是不求回报，只想为你默默付出的那个男孩；
　　他真是爱你但不溺爱你，宠你但不惯你的那个男孩；
　　他真是能给你自由，给你足够安全感的那个男孩；
　　他真是当你开心时陪你开心，不开心时哄你开心的那个男孩；
　　他真是当你失去才后悔没去珍惜的那个男孩；
　　他真是拥有他的时候没觉得他好，失去他的时候才想他种种好处的那个男孩；
　　他真是每当他应酬的时候能让你放心的那个男孩；
　　他真是每天拼命赚钱让你过的更好的那个男孩；
　　他真是那个有什么好东西都留给你，愿意为你无偿奉献的那个男孩！
所以，女孩子们，将心比心，请放下你们高傲的姿态，不要冷漠的拒绝男孩，这样做会深深地伤害他，那个叫做幸福的东西也会在这一刻悄然走远……

2009-03-08T19:05:00.001-07:00

Would you rather life be like a ferris wheel ride,
gentle and steady,
allowing you time to appreciate all that life has to offer,
but so slow that it exasperates and bores you?

or would you rather it be like a roller coaster ride,
wild and thrilling,
with a surprise at every corner,
but so fast that you can never ever take a closer look at the scenery passing by?

If you were to ask me,
I would say, "why not a bit of both?"
Excitement is the ChemicalX that generates motivation and momentum in my life. Yet, a bit of slow-paced "me"-time once in a while can be the key to an enlightenment or greater optimism.

I like to get on all the rides when i'm in the Theme park called life, experiencing the whole range of emotions it has to offer, making the trip worthwhile and memorable.

2009-03-08T17:27:00.000-07:00

i'm kinda appalled and disturbed by the fact that Leonardo knows more about facial products than me. Under such a situation, one can have one of the following 2 reactions:

1. suspect if the other person is a proper normal guy.
2. suspect if I am a proper normal girl.

-erps-

一个人，想要变成两个人，
真的有那么难吗？

2009-03-07T01:55:00.001-08:00

Believe in yourself,
coz only then,
can you make others believe in you.

2009-03-05T06:49:00.001-08:00

勇气不是天生的，
是一点一滴累积的。

2009-03-05T06:26:00.000-08:00

我不是一个很喜欢骂粗话的人，
第一，是觉得没什么意义，骂了过后也不会起什么作用。
第二，是因为觉得难听，好好的一个女孩子家，骂粗话成何体统？

但偶尔还是有可能会破口而出。

但我最听不惯的还是那些天天把"你去死啦！"挂在嘴边的人。
这种诅咒对他们来说可能只是习惯性的一种粗话，
甚至不算是很“粗”的那一种，
但我却认为它最为可怕。

未来是我们谁也预测不了的，
也许哪一天你真的再也碰不到这个人了也说不定。
到时候回想起来，才后悔当初那么轻易地把“死”挂在嘴边，
已经于事无补了。

所以啊，
亲爱的朋友们，
下次在骂别人之前，
试想想，
do you really mean what you say?
if you dont,
then dont say it,
coz you never know when it will become reality/be taken for real.
and by the time you regret,
the words are already said,
the hurt already done.

2009-03-03T23:47:00.000-08:00

小的时候，
你喊痛大家都会围过来看你有没有事，
长大后，
你喊痛大家都说你在装可怜、在装可爱。

不知什么时候开始不喊痛了，
渐渐地也就喊不出来了。

2009-03-03T07:00:00.000-08:00

Why am i pushing myself back into the mess that i was in 2 years ago?
it's just so not worth it.

stuck with the problem/topic of
あの女の子はどう思うか、あなたはどうすればいいのか、どうすればあの女の子はもっとあなたのことを好きになれるのか。
私と関係ない問題でしょう？

but to think about it calmly,
i set out on this journey back to time
because i miss what we used to have,
and i'm prepared to be there for you,
since i know that deep down,
i dont think of you in that way anymore.

right.
dont be confused.
think straight.
be practical.
dont let unreasonable emotions drive you towards a dead end.

2009-03-02T23:16:00.001-08:00

希望
我心里的警报一响，
你就会出现在我面前。

2009-03-02T22:10:00.000-08:00

yes people. the news is out.
our wait is officially "over".

A LEVELS RESULTS ARE COMING OUT THIS FRIDAY!!!

*AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*

man. you know i just CANT concentrate no matter what i do now??? o.0
nothing's going in and nothing's coming out of me! ><
as in, nothing that people's saying is going in,
and i cant teach properly when i go for tuition anymore >< oh manx

ok i shall learn to relax sighx.
but i'll get to see my classmates! ^^
really miss the crappy guys and jie3mei4-s of 07s66! ><
May all of us be very happy on that day! ><

For now, i just want to get used to being back in my own world,
a world that does not include you,
one where you cannot enter,
to be away from you.
Coz thinking of all our happy memories just hurt me even more.

2009-02-25T17:08:00.000-08:00

Dear blog:

i'm so sorry for neglecting you ><
i promise from now on i'll try to write more in you than in my qqzone ><
it's just that, more people reads her than you!
you cant blame me -shrugs-

love,
blog owner.

GAHHHHHHH.
i'm so bored lolz.

been writing quite a lot in my qqzone lately and it's all in chinese
zzzzzzz
kinda crazy right? hahaz...
and the worst thing is that i cant edit/delete any post that i have posted up there
and it's CRAZY
coz now all my relatives over there, as in like the adults,
AND my parents
are reading my entries o.0

the feeling's awkward...
i mean there's nothing there for them to read exactly it's just some random stuff that they most probably already know about since i whine so much...
but still, i cant imagine my parents reading my blog entries!
Especially if they do it right in front of your face.
it's as if you're standing right there,
and they're trying to dig into your heart right in front of you kinda feeling?

hahaz. oh wellz.

alevels results almost out!!!
manx, even the JLPT results are out.
heard Leo passed his JLPT! that's making me SUPER worried.
coz i havent got my results yet.
Leo said it's coz i live in a very ulu place.
erps.
no i dont think so.
hahahahahz. will see if there's anything in my letter box today.

past few days' been screwed and i dont wanna elaborate on it.
it's been raining, and that sorta makes me feel worse.
perhaps it's coz of all the negative ions that are in the air?
i've read somewhere that actually an excess of positive ions in the air will make us have more negative feelings.
i cant remember.
and it doesnt matter.
i'm babbling.

oh manx i miss all my friends!!!!
it's like these few days i've been working and doing stuff alone,
not like when you're in school and you get to see all your friends every day
and you're surrounded by your friends in class,in cca etcetc.
><

oh manx
the results are almost out!!!
><
i'm.....
at the least,
FREAKED OUT.
><

thinking of the worse case scenario.

2009-02-17T05:32:00.000-08:00

"Graduation (Friends Forever)"

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
We would get so excited and we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

[1] - As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

[Repeat 1]

La, la, la, la:
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:
We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

[Repeat 1 (3x)]

以前听这首歌的时候没什么感觉，
现在才开始理解它想表达的感受。

最近在想，今年过生日的时候，大概已经知道未来的路是怎样的了。
不知那时的自己会是怎样的
时间过得好快，
小学的时候不知为了什么用工读书，过后才发现那东西叫做psle，
上中学的时候开始接触不同的人，开始学会激励自己读书，为的就是那个olevels,
到了高中，生活中似乎只有"alevels"这个词儿。
转眼间这一切都过去了。
以前都是别人为自己设立好的目标，
astar for psle, As for olevels, As for Alevels,
现在才发现原来要自己设立目标好难。
有些人羡慕那些选择多的人，管他们叫all-rounders,
有些人却羡慕那些清楚自己目标的人，管他们叫goal-driven people.
学姐常对我说，不要羡慕他人，因为你不可能成为他们，
有些人就是那么地优秀，但他们必定也有自己的烦恼，
在这方面我们都是平等的。
我们自己也肯定有值得别人羡慕的地方。

我这一生中最怕的应该就是后悔的感觉吧？
所以总在追求生命中的一种精彩，
也希望保留那一丝的innocence and childishness.
'cause i hate the feeling of being robbed of my true self,
being forced to change in a way that's against my will,
turning into someone that even i do not have the slightest understanding of.
That WOULD be a nightmare.

Life is all about "choices".
You always choose how you want it to be.

2009-02-15T04:00:00.000-08:00

Even though there's only silence between us,
there's a certain warmth within me,
coz it's really sweet to know that
we're accompanying each other into the night.

I guess this is what they mean by mutual understanding:
When two people no longer need words
to convey their feelings for each other,
to express themselves,
or to show concern.

Because they feel each other's company deep within their hearts,
and that's all that's necessary.

I'm really grateful to you,
for you have taught me a lot,
in your subtle and unique way.
but i cant say i'm a good student.
i just hope that i wont be one that disappoints.
when the time comes.

2009-02-13T09:11:00.000-08:00

Today's VALENTINE'S DAY! ^^

To all my dearest friends who have been tolerating my nonsense/temper/emoness/daoness/crapiness/craziness,

LOVE YA GUYS!!! *MUACKS*

*especially those who have been by my side through all my ups and downs, playing a significant part in my life journey till now. There are those who accompanied me since secondary 3, some of you from sec sch strings till JC strings, and those who made JC life crazy and fun for me. You guys know who you are! ^^ Just wanna say thanks a lot for being there for me and i'll always love you all! ^^

2009-02-07T07:10:00.000-08:00

it's 070209
and i'm DAMN worried abt A LEVELS!!!
><><

*bounce bounce*
who has the time for valentine's day?!?!

2009-02-05T00:28:00.000-08:00

罗志祥搞笑

那一条牙膏在对我傻笑嘲笑我永远用不掉
想睡就睡想闹就闹好快乐少了人捞叨
蓝色的碗盘多买了一套我忘了没人陪我通宵
要多少替代的丑角无辜的陪笑
才会让我能真的忘了你的好

我在搞笑藉着热闹掩盖着心跳
边哭边笑偏要说着一个人真好
当人群散了突然觉得我可以死掉
我受不了

还在搞笑害怕回家不知怎麽熬
这麽多年早就喜欢有你的撒娇
我想我能熬但是至少要让我知道你好不好

我们的小狗食量变好小
眼神裏常常显得无聊
它习惯睡觉的床位
少了一双脚
所以它常常看着门口睡不着

我在搞笑藉着热闹掩盖着心跳
边哭边笑偏要说着一个人真好
当人群散了突然觉得我可以死掉
我受不了

我在搞笑却在最后眼泪拼命掉
你的离开失去多少我计算不了
忙完了一天突然觉得又何必辛劳
对谁炫耀

还在搞笑是否拥有麻痹的疗效
唱一夜歌却避不开催泪的曲调
我这夜胡闹希望听到有人会提到你好不好

2009-01-27T08:05:00.000-08:00

i'm so sorry
for being oblivious to your sorrow
for indulging in your care without giving much back
for letting my imagination run wild
for not trusting you

I know i shouldnt have
and i feel stupid now, knowing all that you've done for me
and knowing all that you've been going through.
If only i could give back in some way
If only i could care for you the way you do for me
What should i do?

we're so far apart...
and my guilt's killing me.

2009-01-24T22:55:00.000-08:00

qi yu says:
aww dont need to miss me la
[wf] Missing U' says:
???
qi yu says:
im touched though
[wf] Missing U' says:
???
qi yu says:
your nick say you miss me mah
[wf] Missing U' says:
..................................
[wf] Missing U' says:
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
[wf] Missing U' says:
MG
[wf] Missing U' says:
what the?!?!?!
qi yu says:
=p
qi yu says:
hahah couldnt resist

what the?!?!?! o.0

2009-01-22T18:54:00.001-08:00

OH my this is SO hilarious.

MC: look, look at me, focus.
Kellie Pickler: Yeah i am, like i'm listening to what you're saying but i only hear what i want to
MC: That's called...being a woman
KP: booooooo
KP: Well, We could just call this show "are you smarter than a man"....
MC: Because women dont want to hear men's opinion, they just wanna hear their opinion in a deeper voice, that's what they want when they talk to us.

Well.....
I guess there IS some truth in that? hahahahz.

2009-01-21T07:15:00.000-08:00

Was actually writing something elsewhere but decided i wasnt exactly in the right frame of mind so i decided to come back here to write instead.

We are often cautious because we dont want to hurt those we love, we take care of our every action, every word...but it is precisely this kind of over-sensitiveness that creates distance within a relationship. Perhaps sometimes, we must also learn to let ourselves go and express ourselves fully, because the saying that conflict is a necessary ingredient of a good relationship may very well be true.

We hesitate.
Coz we're afraid of taking risks in relationships with those we care for.
Or is it just me?

But i guess what i read on my cousin's blog is rather true:
When we choose to hide our true feelings and get taken for granted, it's not because we're weak, but because we'll rather be cruel to ourselves than cause any harm to those we truly care for

Been rather addicted to this song:

I Wonder - Kellie Pickler

Sometimes I think about you.
Wonder if you're out there somewhere thinkin' about me.
And would you even recognize,
The woman that your little girl has grown up to be.
Cuz I look in the mirror and all I see,
Are your brown eyes looking back at me.
They're the only thing you ever gave to me at all.

Oh I hear the weather's nice in California. There's sunny skies as far as I can see.
If you ever come back home to Carolina.
I wonder what you'd say to me.

I think about how it ain't fair.
That you weren't there to braid my hair like mothers do.
You weren't around to cheer me on.
Help me dress for my high school prom like mothers do.
Did you think I didn't need you here.
To hold my hand, to dry my tears.
Did you even miss me through the years at all?

Oh I hear the weather's nice in California.
There's sunny skies as far as I can see.
If you ever come back home to Carolina.
I wonder what you'd say to me.

Forgiveness.
Such a simple word.
But its so hard to do.
When you've been hurt.

Oh I hear the weather's nice in California.
And just in case you're wondering about me.
From now on I won't be in Carolina
Your little girl is off...
Your little girl is off...
Your little girl is off to Tennessee

2009-01-17T07:25:00.000-08:00

i'm watching dramas and things like "The Women" and "Gossip Girls"

and that means something

it means i'm not exactly in the best of moods
and i'm finding a way to breathe

i think i'm used to taking all these little shots of frenzy and frustration?
they just sorta pile up
and i'll just find a way to clear them up during the weekends!

great! brilliant!
but why issit that i simply cant force that giggle bug in me to wake up?
this is SO not working.
i'm going on a mission to find it back tomorrow.
no matter how much i hate crippy crawlies.

oh gosh. i'm not making sense.
i'm SORRY.
this is what happens to wf when she's trying to
(what was it again?)
right.
vent her frustrations
or forget something.

yes.

oh btw.
the women - was hilarious.
and so is gossip girls.

(what AM i saying!?)

goodnight folks. it's been a long day.
sleep tight, sweet dreams!

2009-01-13T16:16:00.000-08:00

OH MY.
this is
SOOOOOOOO. wrong.

I didnt know what i was up for till i got to like, let's see 2 minutes into the show?
I think it's supposed to be rated M18 but i guess that didnt matter to America
and not that i'm not legal to watch it but
that's NOT the point!

American Pie beta house?
like, the thing about it is not the content
but i realised what the word "BETA" sorta meant
and ummm.
let's just say it wasnt a pleasant surprise to know that i've seen that word somewhere else
hahahaha.
right. that was meant to be sarcastic.

oh gosh.

2009-01-10T06:10:00.000-08:00

在霍山的时候，经常借滔滔哥的mp3听这首歌：

2009-01-08T23:50:00.000-08:00

weee! i cant believe my luck...

got a tuition job through the help of someone called julie whom i thought was from the tuition agency that yibing gave me and realised i was ZOMG so wrong? got me so worried about who the hack i was talking to all this while and gave me the creeps when she didnt reply my smses or answer my calls. but wellz. all's well now and i've got some tutees yeah man. price's good enough for me to buy a webcam soon!

(so that i can contact my relatives in china eh?) ^^

got another amazing job that pays for my food and everything and all i have to do is play with this little girl for 20 days. wow! haha, i'm SO freaking lucky. really. i rock.

guess all i'll have to do now is to keep the fats off me and prepare for the horror of interviews to dawn on me? well, it'll come soon enough. not that i'm prepared but erm.

we'll see. ^^

2009-01-07T04:21:00.000-08:00

2009-01-04T18:00:00.000-08:00

“‘寂しいからあなたのことを思い出した’ではなく、いつもあなたのことを思っているから寂しくなった。”

あなたがあれを書いている時私は何でも感じていなかった、今考えると、あれは本当に私に言いたい言葉かな？あなたも、私も自分の気持ちをよく表せない人から、一緒にいる時大事にできなかった。私は努力したけど、やっぱり時間は短すぎて、この機会をよく利用できなかった。言いたいこと、やりたいこといっぱいあるけど、将来また行ける時を待つしかないよね。この間本当に楽しかったよ！次会う時、もっと素直になれるかな？できればいいけど。。

Been back from China for quite a while and 've been wanting to blog about the trip.
Going back at the age of 18 meant that i'm back perfectly aware of what's going on around me,
that i have a mind of my own and things that i want accomplish by myself,
that i'm mature enough to understand certain things on the trip
and at the same time,
mature enough to take certain responsibilities...

这次回中国之前,我想了好久有关这次回去我想做的事情,
因为能够回去的机会太少,必须把握时间，珍惜在中国的每一分每一秒。
想了想，觉得其实没什么很伟大的目标，
不想去什么游客去的地方, 因为我不是游客，
不想吃什么山珍海味，因为那不是我熟悉而又喜欢的味道，
不想去购物，因为那没有意义又浪费时间。
若让我自己安排行程，我宁可花一大半时间到处走走，
到公园散步，吃吃小吃，偷混进几个学校，
感觉感觉一个18岁女生在中国的生活，
想象我若呆在家乡，现在会是过着怎样的生活，
把一切属于家乡的事物，感受，都输入脑里，
因为害怕以后回来的机会更少，

因为害怕有关家乡的记忆变得越来越模糊的感觉。

回到霍山时感到有点伤心，因为看到了小时候住的房子一大部分都快塌下来了，

好破旧，

小时候经常跑来跑去玩耍的地方也几乎已没有人再踏进去过一步，

小时候喜欢看的小猪所住的那小屋子也全都是草。

童年的那些回忆不断在脑中反复播放。

那时候真的好想哭，第一次领悟到我每次这么一去又回来后，

虽然有好多东西会变得更好，但好多东西也都已找不回来了，

也不知道下次回来又会有什么人已永远离开了。

之后就每次想找机会自己一个人到处走走，所以常告诉爸妈想去找灵感。
其实也不算在说谎，是边逛边等灵感来，^^
很想拉个人跟我一起走走，所以看到银银的时候就想拉他陪我走走，
让他告诉我这几年他的生活里发生了什么变化，
但才要走，就叫吃饭了。嗨。
说到吃饭我就有点怕，因为人们都会叫我吃，但因为感冒实在没胃口，又不知道怎么说，吃一点就起来又没礼貌，嗨。而且又因为吃饭没时间和银银聊到天就得走了。不过想来想去，也是因为吃饭才有机会见面的，所以也没什么好抱怨的。后悔的就是手机没电，不能拍个照留念。

去霍山的路上先去了趟万一的学校。
万一现在也是个小帅哥啊！那时候我就觉得奇怪，
怎么我的这些哥哥弟弟姐姐都长得这么好看，
这些基因怎么都没跑到我身上来啊？嗨！郁闷！
但看到万一真的好高兴！因为他真的好可爱啊！立刻就拔出手机想和他照相。
他好害羞，而且被我的“攻势”吓着了，
站的姿势也有点别扭哈哈，但我越看越觉得他可爱！
>< (indulge) 还有就是滔滔哥哥他变了好多！
以前那个帅气的小伙子已经变成一个成熟的年轻人喽 …
看他忙进忙出的，给人倒酒，还会切菜煮饭，
觉得他好有大哥哥的架势，
哈哈。。 seriously like, you wont get this kinda guys over here in singapore yeah?
LOL. OK, jokes aside.
那几天在霍山从他身上学到不少，
也看出成长过程中的一些无奈
转眼间，他都已经快到结婚的年龄了！
结婚啊！好遥远的事情…
虽然我总嚷着叫哥哥们结婚，给我抱宝宝，
但说实在的，我对结婚这东西不怎么了解
甚至有点舍不得让哥哥们结婚，
因为姐姐们结婚后都好像会离我越来越远的感觉
我不知道伴随结婚这东西的到底有多少责任，多少欢乐，多少苦恼？
哥哥们又会随着婚姻改变多少呢？
或许会更具有成熟男人的魅力吧？或许脸上也会露出更多疲惫的痕迹
那时候的我又会是在哪里，做着什么呢？
也许那个时候我回来的机会更少，哥哥们陪我的时间也少了…
总觉得还没相处多久就已经度过人生中的另一个阶段了，
从小时候的小鬼，到18岁的年轻人，到30岁的成人，到50岁的中年人，
这一个阶段一个阶段的迅速流逝，好快！
而彼此相处的时间还不足一个月的时间吧？
很想参与哥哥姐姐弟弟妹妹的成长过程，也希望他们伴随我成长，
慢慢地互相了解，互相支持，
但似乎是一种妄想。
总觉得自己知道的事情太少，了解的道理也不够，
又不可能像看电视剧一样，在短短的3个星期里把他们的成长故事看完……
but some things just cant be helped,
and when that happens,
what's left is but regrets and more regrets.

来的第一天大人们吃得好饱，都喝醉了才走的
当喝醉酒的四爷驾着车子载我们上山的时候，心里有一点怕怕的
外边黑得很，车子也摇摇晃晃的，我还第一次听说车子可以开上山的。
头几天都是在二爷家住的！也就是说我们睡的是金金银银的房间喽！
我跟万千睡在银银的床上，爸妈睡在金金的床上。
好像有一天晚上老鼠跑啊跑的，掉到妈妈身上然后又咚咚咚的跑走了呵呵
更好笑的就是有一天晚上爸妈讲话讲着讲着，突然“咔嚓！”一下，
不知床上哪根木断了哈哈>< 早上我起得特早，周围的一切也比晚上看得清楚多了，
我便自己一个人到处走了走，那小时候熟悉的小路，
以前还被不懂是谁叫坐在那边读点英文给大家听
还有一次在那小路旁捡到一根烟，一吸一呼竟然还没灭！吓得我赶紧把它扔掉了
现在一个人再回到这小路上，也称不上是路，小道吗？
不知道，总之，
没以前那种热闹，没以前那种幼稚与无知
就只有我一个人和那些竹子和不时吹来的阵阵冷风
看到地上的霜，心中也默默希望回来能够看到雪，
但也希望不要那么快下雪，因为想在霍山多留几天，
可是等到在中国的最后一天还是没看到雪，郁闷啊！

不懂是第几天的事，我们一家人到了三姑那儿去住了一晚
晚上为了写那讨厌的论文睡得很晚，
可能就是因为这样，被冻得隔天感冒更严重了。
也可能是因为那天晚上冲凉的时候被冻的吧？
那时冲凉冲到一半，突然没有热水了，正要向外面求救，
滔滔哥就问我是不是没水了
我还觉得奇怪他怎么知道的，
但出来后他们都问我怎么那么傻，没水也不说。
嗨。我该怎么说他们才相信呢？真的是刚好没水的时候滔滔哥问我的嘛！
嗨，不过那天晚上真的好冷，但不冲凉又不行……
隔天早上起来病得蛮重的，
不知怎的一早上头都昏昏的，脸也是热乎乎的，身体感到特别冷
所以就躺在床上，隐隐约约听到人在外走来走去的声音，
还有电话的声音，好像是金金哥哥回来了，
听到了觉得有点奇妙。
我们上山花了5个小时吧？他到底是怎么上来的呢？
虽然处在半昏睡状态但心里好高兴，
那时就在想，哥哥不愧是哥哥啊，说来陪我爬山真的来了。
可能习惯性的对任何事情都不抱太大的希望，也习惯了失望的感觉，
所以当有人对我承诺的事情真的办到时就格外的开心吧？

躺了一上午，妈妈也就先带着万千去不知哪里了。
在床上躺了一会越躺越冷，结果就干脆起来到处走走去了
三姑爷搞了个电脑给我，
我看了看cornell的网址，还有没声音的"one love"MV后就跑到院子去晒太阳了。
那时候觉得自己好不争气，老是生病，还烧到嘴唇。
嗨，真是的，什么时候不生病这时候生病。
虽然感到脸部好热，又晕晕的，但还是得上路，
过后看到了金金哥哥，也认识了缦缦，
感觉好奇怪，第一次知道自己有个这么大的妹妹
嗯。。但感觉她比我innocent许多，也不知这样的我是好是坏，
都有吧？

要从大姑那里回去前大姑爷带我们出去逛了逛
其实我知道大姑爷想买点什么给我们，
可是我真的不需要什么，也不想他们浪费钱买我们用不到的东西。
到最后就决定买黑芝麻糊和一支笔。
回去后决定留下来和金金他们一起回去，因为不想匆匆忙忙赶回家
回到家也不就是吃饭睡觉嘛，
这样什么也没做就让一天白白的过了，还真有点舍不得让一天就这样过了
因为我那时很清楚每一天都好宝贵。
因为很清楚过后会后悔，所以一有机会让一天的活动延长，让时间过得慢点，
我都会想办法抓住

可能老天那天心情好吧呵呵，不可能发生的事情竟然发生了
那天做公交车回去的时候，四爷没空来接我们，
所以我们得自己走路回家
哈哈，笑死我了。
我们走了好久吧，从天亮走到天都黑了
但有哥哥和妹妹陪着走一点也不无聊
边走边听着音乐，特别好玩，也特别好笑！
还有就是憋了好久也终于问了哥哥那件事情
怎么说呢，很新奇吧？这种事情我从来没想过。
二姑问我的时候我还真不知该笑还是认真对待。
还想从哥哥那里知道所有在这里发生过的事情，
像滔滔哥哥怎么和同学大家啊什么的
好想知道，可能是因为想缩短我和亲戚之间的距离吧
但可能对他们来说有点为难，因为真的不知道从何说起，
也可能因为只有像我这种超hyper的人才会聊这种东西吧？
oh wellz. 总之就是超兴奋，超hyper的
下次回去的话肯定还要试试看LOL

但好快好快，我们就得离开霍山了。
走的那一天头脑好乱，也不知道爸妈在安排什么，
走之前都没有好好的和他们说再见
那时好想给每个人一个抱抱，但又有点别扭，
匆匆忙忙说了再见就上路了。
在车上眼泪不停的流，也不怎么想说话了。
总感觉都还来不及看清楚每个人的脸，
还来不及看清楚这里的所有事物就要走了的感觉。

回去的路上去又看到万一了！
呵呵，吃饭的时候做他旁边和他聊了一些有的没的
他。真。的。好。可。爱。啊！！！！！！！
><>但实在没胃口，所以一听说相机没电了，我就自愿去买电池呵呵!
然后路上还陪万一玩喽。
最后金金哥也跟上了，去到超市买了我在中国吃得第一支泡泡糖！

好难吃。>< 口香糖还是比较好吃的。^^
虽然很舍不得但因为万一要上学所以还是把他送回学校了
过后还去那里的一个广场走走。
中国的广场公园真多，感觉好浪漫啊！^^
以后结婚就去中国拍婚纱照哈哈！

然后呢。。。
不知上了什么大坝，但除了好冷好冷，几乎没什么其他的感觉或回忆。
再就是爸爸的朋友请吃饭，我也不清楚是谁，
但就不是很想吃，因为才吃没多久嘛。
大人们吃前都在玩卡，其实跟daidi和bridge好像的。
但除了学会了那什么斗地主的，那80分的怎么学也学不会>< 晚上不知在哪个浴场睡觉。
好。不。习。惯。啊！
i mean, once you step in and you see all the naked women running about, it just SOMEHOW doesnt feel right! and what's more, there are people sitting around doing, i dunno WHAT so it feels as if they're staring at you strip in a way? o.0 ?!?!?!? brrrrrrr. but wellz, had a good bath but in the end got scotched because my face was super cold but the water was super hot so i had the two classic red patches on my cheeks which i wanted rather badly before the trip but had a taste of the pain because of it and ZOMG so that's how the girls in china got it. ok, long sentence. yeah i know. hahhaa...
过后回到房间看了看电视就睡了。
第一次不需要穿多多的衣服睡觉，轻松多了！
早上妈妈起来去上厕所时竟然看到一个男的蹲在里面，而且还不关门！
wth??? 哈哈。。笑死我了。

回到合肥看到晓慧娘娘了！^^ 其实没怎么变，还是和以前一样，
特别是她那笑容，总是那么甜美
本来想和娘娘出去剪头发的，然后利用那机会和她多说点悄悄话，
但是最后大舅说舅妈会带我去所以就没去了
好遗憾啊。。因为过后就再也没机会和晓慧娘娘见面了…

其实和舅妈也没做什么造型，只是把头发剪了还有打了耳洞
头发的事我没话说，但那耳洞啊zomg超痛！
哪像蚂蚁咬啊？根本就是被蜜蜂扎的感觉！
>< 过后还去吃了中国的macdonald's!!! 但是他们服务态度好差。。。
本想就是说去柜台zham他们一点英文，装作是外国人
但是想来想去还是不要了。
坐在macs里听了好多有关家里的故事，没想到这里发生的事情还真多啊？
听着听着我都觉得好奇妙，那时候就是觉得我们在新加坡不知道的事情还真多！
生活也好像相对之下超平静的。。
晓青和妹妹玩得一身都是汗，特别是晓青，脸红到……
不过话说回来，她穿着4层衣服跑来跑去。。。不感到热才怪！
呵呵，还有她那吃冰淇淋的样子
啊~>< 无价！
她因为感冒不能吃，然后就好平静地问她妈妈可不可以吃，
舅妈还没说什么，晓青就说“一口就好”然后一口把雪糕上面一层全吃掉了
哈哈哈哈。。。超可爱的！
吃完后就一脸无辜的样子哈哈……

then..... 哦
我自己一个人去找金金哥哥玩去了。还是第一次坐公交车呢！
看着那人那么多我就一直在担心我等会儿怎么下车啊？
还有就是那些人靠得我好近，有点不习惯和陌生人靠这么近…
到哥哥学校后就跟着他到处乱转了一下，hwachong可能比他学校大一点吧？
不清楚，但它学校还有一个小公园样的东西……也好浪漫的！^^
然后又去了他学校旁边大一点的公园，那地方超级浪漫的!!!!! >< 刚好那天是xmas eve, 所以有些人在卖花，以为我们是情侣，逼着哥哥买花
其实那花真的好贵啊！
虽然每次表演都会收到好多花也没什么特别的，
可是第一次在中国收到中国的花感觉就是不一样！ ^^
还有奇怪的是他们为什么不卖玫瑰呢…不像我们这边到处都是玫瑰…
or maybe it's coz we only buy roses...hmm.
但是在公园转了一圈，觉得哇！在中国fall in love的话一定很浪漫！
那边约会可以去的地方实在太多了！

过后跟着哥去找小姑和方琴！结果下错车站又得往回走哈哈。
过后一起和哥去把方琴从学校接了回来，
原本她有一点害羞的，一直找哥哥，
但过后就好多了，就开始跟我们玩那个打牌的游戏
不是我们玩得那种打牌而是真的，literally， “打”牌，看能打翻几张牌
玩到最后都给她搞到累死了，她还一样有劲儿，
而且她的游戏有个特点，就是怎么玩也不会输！
呵呵，我输了好几次，她就给我多一点牌让我继续玩
天啊！这个表妹还真厉害！怎么说呢，就是很活泼好动，好像怎么玩也不会累！
还有就是：超级漂亮！长大后肯定跟她妈妈一样也是个美女！
玩到一半哥哥不见了，过后发现原来他去买东西送方琴了！
回来后还说是我要他买的
嗨…… 哥哥太棒啦！
我那时候还真的没想到要买东西送方琴
*愧疚*

过后在小姑家吃完晚饭便再回到哥的学校去看晚会
就是他们一个系里准备的圣诞晚会……这晚会嘛……好搞笑，快把我给笑死啦！
嗯……怎么说呢，跟我们想象中的晚会差别太大了吧？
也许是因为我们这边有CCA可以上去表演他们在行的东西，
但他们学校没有，所以总的来说，
看完后就有点觉得每个人都在硬撑，都在zham的感觉。。。
虽然哥哥一直说那是垃圾晚会……
（嗯，是有点垃圾……）
但是真的玩得好开心!

然后就是礼拜天爸爸妈妈请亲戚们吃饭！
弟弟妹妹们都在玩耍，不知发生什么事，万千突然跌倒了，
然后餐厅的一位小帅哥就急忙冲过去看她有没有事，
还一直跟我道歉好像是餐厅里的一位女服务员的脚不小心绊倒我妹的吧？
我也不清楚，但是其实就觉得是个意外，没什么
但谁知过后那小帅哥和那女服务员竟然吵了起来……
我就在那边说没事但…… 就觉得那小帅哥可能家里也有个妹妹吧？
因为他看起来好紧张，好关心我妹的样子，过后还一直问我妹有没有事……
*shrugs*

在我们临走前的一个星期吧？
我们又回肥东一趟了。主要目的其实就是看看老太
妈妈也请来几位舅爹…… 这事情说来话长，总之好麻烦，我们行程被耽误了，
弄得我在家里好急……
其实知道自己应该珍惜与老太相处的时间，
但因为离登机的日子越来越近，心里忍不住，
觉得自己这样在家看电视，面对电脑，是在浪费时间，
因为这种生活方式和在新加坡的我没什么两样，我宁可到处走走逛逛也不想在家里发呆，但偏偏周围没什么好逛的……

过后回到合肥就急忙赶到哥的学校看他们的元旦晚会
还以为“晚”会应该是“晚”上才开的，谁知道他们的是下午开……
等进去的时候也认识了哥的一些朋友和他的班长，
觉得那里男生讲话好幽默，女生讲话好有趣。
这次的晚会的感觉又跟上次不一样……
就…跟新年联欢晚会很像！
MC们穿的也不知道叫什么……
huge gowns and suits?
而且第一次看到arobatics也可以当成表演…
hiphop dance风格也和我们这里的差别好大
总之，是另一种体验吧？
过后晚上也看了看他们班的元旦晚会…
怎么说呢…就是…不一样！
嗯。that's the phrase.
吵啊闹啊什么的方法都不一样，
最搞笑的就是他们拿着橘子的皮和瓜子丢班长的事……
manz, if we tried that on Sandy and Qiyu......
Hmmmm....
^^
(Sandy just said she doesnt mind if we try *ahem**hinthint*)

过后回到哥的寝室，
其实很像出去走走,
但是玩了一天看哥有点累了，我也有点累了，也就算了，
也许是太累的关系吧，不怎么想说话了
其实元旦是想很特别地度过的，但是妈妈把我管得好严，
所以我也不敢到处乱跑，也不敢玩得太晚，
也不是因为害怕妈妈骂，就是不想惹麻烦，搞得大家都不高兴，
所以虽然心里都快急死了，但还是忍着，乖乖地回家去了。
发现这次我和雪没缘分，连烟花也不喜欢我。
哥说向来都是人喜欢烟花，烟花从来不喜欢人的。
但是好不容易赶上元旦那么特别的日子怎么烟花们都不出来放点给我看呢。
那天晚上从哥的学校打的回去时路过一个广场，超想叫司机让我下车去走走
嗨，女生就是麻烦点，虽然18岁了，但妈妈还是不放心我一个人在外
可以理解妈妈的心情但也抑制不住心中的渴望
下次再中国过元旦不知会是几时呢
虽然好想好想让这次的元旦特别点，可是大舅好快就把灯熄灭了
那时心里想，我就算一个人在外面乱走也不想躺在被窝里发呆。。。
都急死了
在大人眼里我这种应该是算疯狂吧？
But...i dont like to leave regrets for myself, and i knew that night as i lay in bed,
that i would regret spending my new years' eve this way. oh wellz.
算是这次中国之旅的一个小小的遗憾吧？

隔天也是跟哥一起出去玩，
来到了大学城，而且还见到了哥的干妹和干哥。
说实在的，这种干妹干哥的concept已经很久没有碰到过了，也觉得好新奇哦…
哥的干妹比我大，所以也算我姐姐，是个好温柔的女生！
她的人也好好，虽然不曾认为我跟她会很尴尬，但是不曾想过我们会想出得那么好，
而且那天也感受到了有姐姐的感觉，
跟哥哥的感觉有点不同…怎么说呢…
就是，女生跟女生嘛，the girl instinct? telepathy? i dont know...
但是好喜欢姐姐挽着我的手的感觉^^
因为感觉好亲切啊……
嗯，那天和哥哥姐姐出去又走了好长的路，哈哈，
其实走的时候也没感觉，但走到一半我就会突然觉得，我们好像在漫无目的的走，
那时候就会问问，我们再往哪里走啊？然后两个人都会回答：
“不知道eh..” 或 “不清楚啊…”
笑死我了！
这次回去虽然走了好多路，但腿上的伤似乎没什么反应，
可是回来走了会路就又感觉出腿上的疼痛，
也不只是怎么搞的……
tropical disease? haha...
为了找那个游乐场的门，我们绕了一大圈，
过后发现原来就在我们刚开始走的那里的不远处，
玩了好多东西哦…
maze, ghost tunnel, flying fox, raft-rowing.....
但最好玩的还是和哥哥的pk赛！
跟哥哥打羽毛球打得超高兴的，
不知怎的一到中国就很像运动，打羽毛球，骑自行车阿什么的…
最后3-2输给了哥…他老是说我耍赖…我哪有啊！
因为是在沙滩上玩，所以没有界线啊…
我只是画上界线罢了！
但是说实在的，风太大了，而且又是在沙子上跑，不是很公平的竞赛

过后不知到了什么广场，买了冰糖葫芦和八宝粥吃！
其实也不是很想吃冰糖葫芦，但心想已经要回去了，
得吃多点，所以又买了冰糖葫芦吃。
但这次吃的冰糖葫芦有点不一样，中间有夹着香蕉的！
味道不错哦！
过后哥的大哥来了，我们便到他学校去走走，
也到了师范大学去走走，
不知怎的，那里的女厕都锁住了！搞得我跟姐姐跑来跑去还是找不到，
呵呵，我是觉得挺好笑的，但姐姐是觉得有点丢脸>< 思想不同吧？
嗯，怎么说呢，师范大学的气氛不一样，好严肃，
走着走着就想起了新加坡这里的JC和poly和ite之间的差别，
虽然人都长得一样，但那学校里的气氛啊什么的就是不同
一路上和姐姐讲了好多话，哥哥们也基本上没跟我们说到什么，
基本上都是各走各的，各说各的，
从姐姐那里也知道了好多事情，觉得跟姐姐说话挺舒服的。
过后吃晚饭时哥哥们说要喝酒
………………
不知怎的，一看到哥哥们喝酒，就会想到minzhe喝酒后的脸
挺可怕的。
可能是因为上次他和Guanhui喝完酒后跟我一起坐mrt回家的经历有点难忘吧？
*噩梦*
没看过哥哥喝酒，也没跟我差不多年龄的人出来吃饭过，
再加上有点累，所以就变得有点沉默了
怎么说呢，有点想听别人说话，默默地观察周围的一切吧？
哦，还有就是想看哥哥酒量如何嘿嘿^^
但最后还是没看到，因为哥说他状态不好
嗨
过后就跟哥坐车回家了，路过超市也进去买了点东西，然后又回到他的寝室
坐下来后跟银银讲了讲电话，听说他给我写了封信，
那时候有两种想法：
1.zomg他实在太可爱了！我太感动了!this is the kind of thing you'll never get from guys over here mannnnnnn
2. 我买的那些信纸都还没用，怎么办
于是就从哥要了点纸来写东西，当然先是写给哥的啦，
可是坐那里想了好久就是不知道怎么写才好，
通常这种信都是用英文写的，直接翻译成华文又好奇怪，
所以坐在那里发呆发了好久，过后决定用英文写算了
其实在最后一个星期里，从肥东回到合肥后，就已经感觉到离别的到来，
所以每一天都会起来早一点，睡晚一点
脑子里想要做的事情也会毫不迟疑地去做，
因为知道时间不多了。
哥告诉我说2号要读书，不能陪我玩了，
所以我也做好心理准备，把去大学城的那一天当作最后一天跟哥一起玩，
可能因为这样，所以那一天做了好多事情，从早上一直玩到晚上。
那天晚上坐在哥的寝室里就觉得
“啊，要say goodbye了”

虽然好几天前就开始想应该写些什么，
但是那时候坐在那里，脑子还真是一片空白，
总觉得这种say goodbye的方式不对，就少了点什么，
也许是太习惯新加坡这边的告别方式吧，
每次送走别人的时候都会跟他们说好多话，
有时会拥抱，有时会哭，有时会想办法拖到最后一秒才say goodbye,
但那时这些都好像不适合，心里也乱的要命，但不写又会后悔，
所以就干脆把脑子里想得到的写了下来，
直到发现已经没有位子可以继续写了才停下来的。

谁知道，哥哥又说明天他还想去看看我妹，

所以明天还会见面。

然后……

隔天早上又去找哥，

到学校的时候又到学校那小小的公园走走，

其实每次去那里走走都会想到离别的事，
然后会思考应该怎么好好利用剩余的时间，
但是那天去就好像已经没有多少剩余的时间了，
脑子里想的也全是这几个星期的各种事情，
从到达合肥时的兴奋，到和家人相处时温馨，到和哥哥斗嘴时的快乐，到离别时的伤感，有太多太多感想，也有太多太多让我留恋的事情

过后跟妈妈，哥哥和妹妹一起到小舅那里去了一趟后便跟着舅妈一起出去逛街了，
因为哥哥隔天还有考试，所以就先回去读书了，
又是一次匆匆忙忙的告别，跟那次在霍山的告别好像，
就是不知怎的，突然就已经byebye了。
虽然很想留哥哥下来陪我玩但是也不想耽误他学习，
妈妈也在那边叫我快走，搞得我也好乱。
虽然说是购物，但其实都是妈妈在买，
我也只花了10分钟买点小零食吧？
怎么说呢，我还不是很喜欢购物，
还是比较习惯看到喜欢的就买，没有喜欢的就走，
算是属于那种不会漫无目的去购物的个性吧？
因为昨天已经吃过一次冰糖葫芦，所以那天就只吃了烤山芋和喝了奶茶，
其实不是很想吃的，
但是一想到以后不知道什么时候才能吃到这些我最喜欢吃的东西，就不管那么多了，怎么说呢，宁可吃腻了，
也不想以后回去的时候会后悔当初没吃到吧？
过后也去到一家书店陪妈妈买cd, 发现中国好多帅哥歌手我都不认识…

晚上见到Suyuan哥哥的弟弟，
还有他老婆和孩子, 超可爱的！
她把杯子打破了，被爸爸骂，所以就突然安静下来，
然后她爸爸把她那小小的婴儿椅转了过去，让她跟那个服务员说对不起，
我的天啊，才几岁的小孩啊！
呵呵她乖乖地说了对不起后，
又好像没事的开始玩了起来>< 太cute了！

吃完饭后又回到啤酒厂，准备睡觉了
那时候小舅说的一句话印象很深刻：
“今天屋子里这么多人，等到明天又会只剩我一个人啦！”
小舅也是有点孤独的吧…
那天晚上表妹，舅妈，外公外婆都到了啤酒厂，
真的好多人，也难怪他会这么说。

嗯… 然后早上起来匆匆忙忙就赶到机场去了…
记忆较深刻的是哥哥突然来电话说要来的事情吧？
那时候正好一个人在大厅里转
说是转，但其实只是在徘徊，原地踏步，漫无目的的走吧。
其实没想到哥哥会来，也不敢抱什么希望，
习惯吧，希望越大失望越大不是么？
等哥哥来的时间里，心里是复杂的，
先是觉得终于理解偶像剧里面等上飞机的人的性情，好可笑，
再来就是知道自己肯定会哭，
不知道该忍住还是趁没人看到的时候先哭到没有眼泪为止
本来担心哥会赶不上，白跑一趟，但最后还是赶上了
那时候也快登机了，好多事情接连不断的发生
先就是晓青哭了，然后外婆哭了，然后我也哭了，
总之，每个人都知道这次真的没多少时间了，所以比较伤心吧？
那个时候好想抱人，就很自然的一种反应，
可能习惯很伤心的时候可以靠着别人的肩膀哭，
所以这次干站在那里流眼泪感到更加伤感，也有点不知所措
进关卡之前看着眼前的亲人总觉得不应该这样就走了，
又不知道可以为他们做些什么，结果就这样傻傻地离开了。

上了飞机其实很庆幸自己有个单独的座位，因为抑制不住自己的眼泪，
又不想在爸妈面前哭，结果从合肥一直哭到深圳，
脑子里想的东西太多，也不知道在为那件事情在哭，
还以为哭出来一会儿就好了，但眼泪就是停不下来。
到了深圳发呆发了好久发现手机没钱了，
换个卡发个信息给哥哥告诉他我好无聊。
那时真的无聊。
漫无目的地坐着，干坐了7个小时，还有多5个小时要熬，因为飞机时间延迟了。
又跟哥哥聊到上飞机为止才停下来的。
可能因为之前哭了太多吧，有点累了，所以一觉睡到新加坡了。

到达新加坡的时候…… 感觉有点麻木吧？
把手机的SIM card换回新加坡的SIM card后，开始回到现实
看着手机里一个一个的简讯，有sandy的，qiyu的，jieyee的…
看到jieyee发给我的信息，写着
"Hello pal! :) just dropping by to say i miss you and thanks for sticking with me during my ups and downs! :) enjoy yr weekend and take care! :)"
那时候看了心理好暖的感觉，
it's just a kind of feeling that i'm not coming back to nothing,
that i've got my friends here too,
but at the same time, i realised that i'm really back.

回来的时候已经是凌晨了，所以没有睡觉，
下午又被jieyee叫出去看clarence的marching...
晚上又跑去见Wanyi和他的家人，
虽然很晚才到，但要看wanyi的目的已经达到了，所以也没什么可抱怨的。
也和huifen聊了一会儿，和leonardo聊了一会儿，
发现身边的人一点也没变，
那时候脑里浮现的是那句很熟悉的话：
"no matter what happens to you, the world will continue spinning"
与他们接触就好像什么也没发生过，又回到以前的万方了。
要坚强，沉默，成熟，稳重，可靠……
成为一个别人可以依赖的人。
可能是我放松太久了吧？
it's suddenly so much harder to keep up that mask that i had gotten so used to,
not that i didnt act myself when i'm with my friends
but coz there were so many troublesome stuff here that forced me to stay steady despite everything,
i knew before leaving china that something about me has changed,
and i couldnt' figure out exactly what,
but i knew i wasn't the me that i knew i was.
i went to china totally tired and sick of life,
suddenly there were so many things i had to do, so many roles to fulfill,
i didnt have time to breathe,
and i was so used to being strong,
because many said i had to act my age, be mature, independent,
because there was no way one could survive without being strong.
Thus i kept to my role, trying to stay positive,
so much so that i didnt realise the smile had went away from my face,
until i found it again in China.
but now that i'm back,
i started to realise how unhappy and tired i was,
and how i really didnt want to go back to the me i was before.

Both my friends and my family are very important to me,
but for now,
i guess i really miss my family back in China a lot.
Yes, many look up to me and envy me as i am able to study overseas, getting in contact with things they never imagine anyone born where i was, could.
But i envy them too, and in fact envy many around me,
as they can stay with the majority of their family, with cousins, uncles, aunties,
this is the kinda of warmth that i never got to experience since the age of 5.
My parents and I are so used to being on ourselves, stressed from everyday life, there just isnt enough feel to the family,
somehow, deep inside me i knew that my experience of a "family" wasnt complete.

Perhaps i should be complacent,
but for once, just this once, i cant help but long for someone to take care of me
so that i dont have to always stay strong,
that once in a while i have someone to lean on.
我曾经认为我找到一个人可以在我最需要他的时候陪在我身边，
哪怕是一则简讯，一通电话，也好．
但是这似乎是错误的想法，
因此从此我不再对他人的关心抱太大的希望，
也不再想过伤心的时候可以找任何人谈心，
因为发现每个人都会有自己的烦恼，
虽然总会听说"i'll always be there for you"
but somehow, someday, for some reason that no one can fault you for,
you wont.
因为不敢奢求别人在难过的时候的陪伴，
所以也就习惯了独立，习惯了孤独，习惯了逞强。

i'll miss all my relatives in china,
but i know many of them have high hopes for me,
i'll try not to forsake their hopes and their love,
and try my best to become the amazing person in their eyes.
Having gotten used to disappointment,
i know how torturous it feels,
and i do not want to see it in their faces.

Perhaps the next time they see me,
many things would have changed,
but i hope they know for one thing,
that my love for them will never change,
and that no matter where i am,
they're still the most important people to me,
and that i'll always be thinking of them,
that i'll always be there for them when they need me.

2008-09-19T06:11:00.001-07:00

LIKE.
ZOMG
I'M
BLOGGGING
YES

I
AM
BLOGGING.

after how many months?
or was it years? o.0 wahahahah...
kkz. errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
i dunno, but i just have to spam something before i write proper you see.
wellz, first of all, life hadnt exactly been fun and you can totally see it on my face coz all the pimples are coming out?

BRRR.

and my friends dont seem to be enjoying the best of their times either.
sighx, hope i could help but i'm not sure how i can..

and uni applications etc are driving me crazy
i dont even know wat i want in life yet! ><
well i'm tempted to just marry some rich guy and live off him but
NO
wf is independent and wants to be a successful career woman who, just in case of anything anytime at all, can support herself and still pay respects to her parents AND *DARN* pay for her sister's university fees and before that all the school fees and piano fees.

BRRR
BRRR
BRRR

welllll...actually i've got nothing much to say lah. so i shall end here yeah. =D

have a nice day! =)
not a very substantial post rite. k lah, post you a photo. hahahah!
what photo is it you say?

not telling hahahahahahah

oh man so not funny rite. hahahaha
darn i'm high oh no.

hmmm k lah.... that's it i guess yeap.

li yang gogogogo! =D
なんとかさあ、最近みんな彼氏できましたねえ。。あたしもほしいけど。。。やせる前にまああ。。。魅力はあまりなさそうだなあ？それに、年上のおとこのこはもっとあたしのｓＴｙｌｅかな？＊笑＊

2008-05-18T08:53:00.000-07:00

废墟中伸出一只手，传出女孩微弱的声音：“救救我”

5月13日，在四川绵竹市汉旺镇一所中学内，一位被埋在废墟中的女学生伸出一只求援的手不停地呼唤着：“救救我，救救我”。

这只手让人震撼，让人揪心。大地震后，许多孩子被压埋在废墟中，等待救援。更多一分的努力，就可能多挽救一个鲜活的生命。让我们共同祈愿所有幸存的孩子平安！

孩子，快抓住妈妈的手----为汶川地震死去的孩子们而作

孩子　　　　　　　

快抓紧妈妈的手　　　　　　　　

去天堂的路　　　　　　　　

太黑了　　　　　　　　

妈妈怕你　　　　　　　　

碰了头　　　　　　　　

快　　　　　　　　

抓紧妈妈的手　　　　　　　　

让妈妈陪你走

妈妈　　　　　　　　

怕　　　　　　　　

天堂的路　　　　　　　　

太黑　　　　　　　　

我看不见你的手　　　　　　　　

自从　　　　　　　　

倒塌的墙　　　　　　　　

把阳光夺走　　　　　　　　

我再也看不见　　　　　　　　

你柔情的眸

孩子你走吧　　　　　　　　

前面的路　　　　　　　　

再也没有忧愁　　　　　　　　

没有读不完的课本　　　　　　　　

和爸爸的拳头　　　　　　　　

你要记住　　　　　　　　

我和爸爸的摸样　　　　　　　　

来生还要一起走

妈妈　　　　　　　　

别担忧　　　　　　　　

天堂的路有些挤　　　　　　　　

有很多同学朋友　　　　　　　　

我们说　　　　　　　　

不哭　　　　　　　　

哪一个人的妈妈都是我们的妈妈　　　　　　　　

哪一个孩子都是妈妈的孩子　　　　　　　　

没有我的日子　　　　　　　　

你把爱给活的孩子吧

妈妈　　　　　　　　

你别哭　　　　　　　　

泪光照亮不了　　　　　　　　

我们的路　　　　　　　　

让我们自己　　　　　　　　

慢慢的走　　　　　　　　

妈妈　　　　　　　　

我会记住你和爸爸的模样　　　　　　　　

记住我们的约定　　　　　　　　

来生一起走

国务院公告：

为表达全国各族人民对四川汶川大地震遇难同胞的深切哀悼，国务院决定，2008年5月19日至21日为全国哀悼日。在此期间，全国和各驻外机构下半旗志哀，停止公共娱乐活动，外交部和我国驻外使领馆设立吊唁簿。5月19日14时28分起，全国人民默哀3分钟，届时汽车、火车、舰船鸣笛，防空警报鸣响。

2008-05-17T01:30:00.000-07:00

just want to share a few stories,

and also to write it down so that i will never forget them.

#1

昨日中午11时30分，都江堰市观凤小区巷内，一具遗体平卧在砖地上，上面盖着厚厚的棉被，一位武警上尉跪在路基上，“爸爸，我不能送你了，请您原谅我……”上尉语音哽咽，肩膀不住抖动，身旁的数十名武警战士忍不住哭出声来。这名上尉就是武警成都支队二大队副大队长张秋红，逝去的老者是他的父亲。
在距遗体不到200米处，是观凤小区34栋楼的所在地，曾经的6楼住宅，经过5月12日的地震，已变成一片废墟。地震发生时，张秋红的父亲和嫂子都被埋在废墟下。
“地震时我正在成都某中队指挥训练，当时并不了解都江堰的情况。”张秋红双眼通红，眼睛盯着地面。他回忆说，由于和都江堰失去联系，对于当时住在都江堰的父、母亲、嫂子、妻子和孩子的情况一无所知，他一直在部队战备。直至当晚10点，支队与都江堰中队始终无法联系时，支队决定让张秋红前往都江堰，一是让张秋红看看家人的情况，二是打探都江堰中队的情况。张秋红冒雨打车来到都江堰观凤小区时，已是午夜时分，他在小区内大喊妻子的名字，雨中寻找40分钟后，终于找到母亲、妻子和6岁的女儿。此时，一家人抱作一团，张秋红瞬间被噩耗击中：地震发生时，他的父亲和嫂子正在睡午觉，最终没有跑出楼，被埋在废墟下。

#2
On the 13th of May, rescuers spotted a woman in a very awkard position. She was not breathing anymore. Kneeling on the ground, her whole body was arched as if she was crawling, with her hands propping her up. Suddenly, the leader amongst the rescuers realised that in between that space she created with her arched body, is a baby who is still alive.

After much hard work, they managed to save the baby from the debris. Only a few months old, he was totally unhurt due to his mother's protection. in the blanket that he was wrapped up in, rescuers found a handphone. It contained a message typed by the mother, which read: "Dear baby, if you are still alive, never forget that I love you."

On the same day, another group of rescuers spotted a young mother who was hugging a baby that was only a few months old. Her head was down. The baby in her arms was still sucking onto her breast, alive and peaceful. the mother however, was already dead.

on 14th of may, rescuers spotted 2 adults stuck in the debris. They were protecting a 3 year old girl called Xinyi who was still alive. Her parents, however were both dead. They had used their own bodies to shield their child from the falling piles of concrete from the collapsing walls.

5月13日中午，救援队员发现她的时候，她已经没有了呼吸。透过一堆废墟的间隙，可以看到她双膝跪地，整个上身向前匍匐着，双手扶地支撑着身体……救援队员从空隙伸手进去，确认她已经死亡，又冲着废墟大声呼喊，没有任何回应。这是震后的北川县，还有很多人在等待着救援。救援队走向下一片废墟时，队长好像意识到什么，忽然返身跑回来，他费力地把手伸进她的身下摸索，高声喊，“还有个孩子，还活着！”　

　一番艰难的努力后，人们终于把孩子救了出来。他躺在一条红底黄花的小被子里，大概有三四个月大，因为有母亲的身体庇护，孩子毫发未伤。　　随行的医生过来准备给孩子做些检查，发现有一部手机塞在被子里，医生下意识地看了一下手机屏幕，发现屏幕上是一条已经写好的短信：“亲爱的宝贝，如果你能活着，一定要记住我爱你。”看惯了生离死别的医生，在这一刻落泪了；手机传递着，每个看到短信的人，都落泪了……详细　　5月13日下午，都江堰河边一处坍塌的民宅，数十救援人员在奋力挖掘，寻找存活的伤者。突然，一个令人震惊的场景出现在了龚晋眼前：一名年轻的妈妈双手怀抱着一个三四个月大的婴儿蜷缩在废墟中，她低着头，上衣向上掀起，已经失去了呼吸，怀里的女婴依然惬意地含着母亲的乳头，吮吸着，红扑扑的小脸与母亲粘满灰尘的双乳形成了鲜明的对比。详细　　5月14日，北川县城。　　救护人员围在一处严重损毁的屋角处——压在房屋下的是两个不幸遇难的大人，被他们护在身下的是一名眨着大眼睛的小女孩。　　宋欣宜，这个只有三岁的小女孩在与死神抗争了40多个小时后，从废墟中被解救出来时，周围的人都哭了：已经故去的年轻父母脸对脸、胳膊搭着胳膊，用自己的身体搭成一个拱形，在地震发生的一瞬双双挡住倒塌下来的沉重墙体，用血肉之躯为自己的孩子构筑了一道“生命的围墙”。

and many more
http://www.soufun.com/house/2008-5-17/1754167_1.htm

just read for yourselves.
i'm too awed to say anything.
sometimes, we're just too fortunate,
that we take the people around us for granted,
and forget how lucky we are.

I feel helpless.
If only i could help those people at the earthquake site.
imagine all the cries for help,
and yet you cant do anything to help them

Despite technological advancements,
human beings are still nothing compared to the power of nature.
we're so small.
and helpless.

imagine the pain the police feel, knowing their own family members have died,
but yet they have to control their own emtions
and continue to save the children within the piles of concrete.
they keep hearing the voices of the children.
They know they're still alive, but they cant do anything to help them.
It's like watching people slowly lose their lives in front of you.

the feeling of helplessness.
the witnessing of all the sacrifices.

i cant imagine the emotional mental stress all the people in china,
or rather, all the chinese around the world,
are facing now.

2008-05-16T07:10:00.001-07:00

i must say, i'm very affected by the sichuan earthquake.
Though many of the people around me continue their lives as if nothing has happened,
i am deeply disturbed by it.

my mom still cries as she read the news about the earthquake through the very limited resources we have.

That day, while reading the newspaper, i was moved to tears too.
i'm not sure why i was tearing but i really felt extremely sad about the disaster.
The many stories after the disaster also showed the world just how unbelievably humane and kind-hearted Chinese people are.
Children are still stuck in buildings, crying for help.
Rescuers risk their own lives by going through extremely small gaps in between concrete and steal poles, while aftershocks are still happening.
Despite risking getting buried in the pile themselves, the rescuers continued to work.

A teacher ran into the building to save a child, sacrificing her own life during the process.
A 12 year old kid did the same thing and succeeded, telling reporters he'll never live in peace if he did not do so as it is against his moral values.
A mother singing "世上只有妈妈好" for her child who is crying in pain, while she herself tries to hold back her tears.
A helpless father waiting for help as his 2 month old baby is trapped inside the pile of debris.
The prime minister of China telling orphans not to cry, that the government will take care of them, take care of their studies, their lives, and that having survived the disaster is a blessing and that they should be strong and carry on with their lives. While the orphan continues to cry.
Donations coming from chinese all over the world, with all forms of help and call for donation by artistes, sports stars, from America, Taiwan, Hong Kong etc etc etc.
A university coming together as one to raise funds for the people from the earthquake, telling the people in sichuan to hold on and that they're not alone.
A friend piggy-backed his other friend all the way to the place with medical help, for 2 whole days.

i can really go on and on and on.
These are just a few of the stories that i've seen and read over the past few days.

Looking back at all the criticisms from Western Media lately, targetting chinese for their lack of human rights, Tibetan extremists demanding independence, irrational people trying to snatch the olympic torch.
all these events seem so trivial and stupid now.
just WHAT the HACK are human beings doing, when they have a proper life to live and better things to do?
It's rather ironic too, how western countries often criticse china for their human rights problems.
Coz from this disaster, all that i've seen, and i'm sure the world has seen, is a country with human beings more "human" than any i've ever seen, with love uniting every single soul belonging to the country regardless of where they are physically.

My understanding of china, is a country that puts friendship and family ties above all.
One where brotherhood exists cross borders.
china has one of the most capable governments of the world, one that has done everything possible to keep the country progressing and surviving despite the many complications and difficult situations.
When people criticise China's government for not doing their job,
it really make me wonder, on what basis are they making such an accusation on?
just what right do they have to criticise a government in such a way when they themselves has less than 1% of the capability of that government?
Would China even survive a single day under such people's governance?
While they stubbornly call for human rights and independence, what exactly is going on through their minds? Are they really helping the people, or are they just making irrational judgements about a country they have never lived in before? A country with people they have never talked to and understood before.

With the earthquake, suddenly forces for China seemed to have increased.
We start to realise that Chinese are all around the world.
They are the dominating race, not in any form of social status, but simply numbers.
Numbers that prove their significance in this world.

sigh.
i'm not thinking properly now.
i'm emotionally and mentally affected by the earthquake
and despite my eagerness to fly to china now,
i am very irritatingly held back by many factors.
my heart goes out to all those affected by the earthquake
and my sorrow is not something that can be put to words
i hope that all can start to realise that Chinese are not people who spit on the floor, people who talk loudly on buses, people with no manners, people who work at construction sites, people of low pay and low social status, people you can despise and look down upon.

Chinese are people with a heart, warmer than you can imagine, people who really come together in times of need and not leave you behind to figure your own way out, people who show more with actions than words.

Do not judge them, if you dont know them.
for all you know, your ancestors were from China.
by acting as if you're of a higher class than them,
just goes to show how low class you are morally.

sigh, my brain tells me to stop writing before i get emotional.

Sometimes, when i tell my friends i'm pro-china,
i'm not joking.
it's just that i've seen so many unfair judgements and perceptions,
related to the Chinese.

May all the rescuers and people be safe.
May China overcome this disaster soon.
and may the world stop making assumptions about china.

2008-04-14T06:47:00.000-07:00

1.（美嘉）もしもあの日、あなたに出会っていなければ、

こんなに苦しくて、こんなに悲しくて、こんなに涙溢れるようなしなかったと思う。

だけど、あなたに出会っていなければ、

こんなに嬉しくて、こんなに優しくて、こんなに愛しくて、こんなに温かくて、

こんなに幸せを知ることもできなかった。

元気ですか？私は今でも空に恋をしています。

2.（美嘉）優しい光が降り注ぎ始めていた。　　　　　

暗闇を知ったからこそ見える　穏やかな光。

（美嘉）温柔的阳光倾注而下。　　　　　

正是因为了解过黑暗，才能看见这温暖平和的光芒。

３.（望）ずっと知って見るが、美嘉にだけ言うなって。　　　　　　

でもあいつは美嘉のこと待ってる、美嘉のこと思ってる一人で戦ってる。

（美嘉）いつから？

（望）別れ言った時。

（望）我们一直都知道，他让我们不准告诉美嘉你。　　　　　　

但是他一直在等你，他一边爱着你一边一个人在战斗。

（美嘉）什么时候开始的？

（望）他提出你们分手的时候。

４。（ヒロ）俺はさぁ、空になりてぇんだ。空だって、ずっと美嘉を見守るんだ。

（美嘉）じゃあ、私は空を見るたびに　ヒロ思うね。　　　　　　　

晴れの日は、ヒロの気が良くて。　　　　　　　

雨の日は、ヒロが泣いてる。　　　　　　　

夕焼けの空は、ヒロが照れてる。　　　　　　　

夜空は、優しく私を包んでくれてるなぁで。

（ヒロ）こんな安い指輪しか買ってるんだらさぁ、宇宙の星全部お前にやるよ。

（弘树）我想变成天空。如果变成天空，就能永远保佑着看着美嘉了。

（美嘉）那么，我看着天空的时候，就像看着弘树一样。　　　　　　　

晴天的话，就是弘树心情很好。　　　　　　　

雨天的时候，就是弘树在哭泣。　　　　　　　

天空的夕阳，就是弘树在害羞的脸红。　　　　　　　

夜空的话，就是弘树温柔地抱着我。

（弘树）既然只能给你买这么便宜的戒指，我会给你全宇宙的星星的。

５.（美嘉）ヒロ、私のこと見えてるよね。　　　　　

私はちゃんと生きてるでしょう。　　　　　

ヒロが届ける幸せな時間が　思い出になんかなっていない。　　　　　

いつだって、ヒロがすぐそばに感じてるんだよ。　　　　　

ヒロ、私は今でも　空に恋しています。　　　　　

そして、きっと、これからもずっと。永遠に。

（美嘉）弘树，你能看到我吧。　　　　　

我，会活的好好的吧。　　　　　

弘树给我的幸福时间才不是回忆。　　　　　

无论何时我都能感觉到弘树你就在我身边。　　　　　

弘树，我现在，还在跟天空谈恋爱呢。　　　　　

而且，一定，从今往后也一直会。永远会。

幸せなああ。。。私は「恋空」に恋しているLOL

2008-04-01T06:07:00.000-07:00

2008-04-01T06:02:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kw6nFa_MTdM

2008-03-16T06:58:00.000-07:00

haha...these songs never fail to remind me of my primary school days and somehow, i never seem to ever get sick of them.

2008-03-06T04:22:00.001-08:00

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

shit i forgot wat i wanted to say.
hmmmm...

tmr's a levels results!!!!
oh man, so anxious...heard our school dint really do that well.
and i'm thinking (dreaming) of going to london in future!!! =)

wellz....
yeapz. but ah wellz.

oh man wat was i gonna say...
there's huangcheng this sunday...so excited!!!!
=D can remember last year huangcheng...wah....memorable siahhhh.

oh! and tmr can meet all the seniors haha...ehhhh really looking forward to seeing all the NS-after-effects. LOL. =) and the chio-bu-tized effects.
gahhh but still got chem spa wat the.

oh and athena sweater's finally here!!!
i like the current batch of sweatshirts!!!! the previous one like a bit bulky,
this batch nicer when worn by girls. =)

and...wat else arh. HMm.
i wanna watc koizora and eru.
demodemo no one to watch with!

and oh man...kinda worried about jieyee. hmmm.
shall go find her tmr. really wanna go out with her and bear!
valentine's day nv go out...damn sad sighx.

ok. random post lah. =)
will post more after blocks yeah? hehe.

dangdangdang.
*shit i still cant remb wat i wanted to say dang*

oh ya, and kahloke's damn nice. lol.
errrrr. he's just super nice lah. haha...and i think there's a lot of scandals in our junior class.
hmm interesting. and justin finally called me by my own name instead of meijie o.0. LOL.

wat else wat else.
ok. nothing le. nitez!

2008-03-02T05:55:00.000-08:00

weeeeeeeeee

=) i'm happy!

-grinz-

i wonderrrrrr whyyyy.

haha...just being random. hMM..
oh ya...같있어서,정말행복해요!!

Lisa's coming over soon! yayyyyy. =)
heard that Parkin's coming over too!!! wahhhhhh.

-veryvery happy- hahaha...
but too bad he wont be in my class sighx.
=(

*shrugs* ah wellz. hahahah.

why am i being so high?!!??!?!?

O.O dang.

on a side note,

i went to the hospital this saturday.
and i'm still feeling kinda weak.
but i dont really wanna miss tennis tmr. hmm.
mom was so paranoid she got me lotsa chicken essence.

yeah. that's all!
=) nitezzzz

2008-02-22T04:51:00.000-08:00

was updating the class blog and decided to pop by our junior class's blog.

http://s247.photobucket.com/albums/gg140/08S66/?action=view&current=ClassPhotoEnlarged.jpg

they sure look innocent don't they?
maybe some day we should take a class photo too!
come to think of it, do we have any full class photo?
we should take one...with everyone in =) aside from that in the year book.

and the song in the junior class blog was so...emo.
sighx. last year around this time...i was also feeling quite emo.
i cant imagine the emo-ness...and i chose to escape from it.
sometimes, i wonder if being in denial is helpful.
but bear's like really exasperated with me LOL.
she felt like punching me everytime i talk to her abt such stuff. LOL.
she'll go like "ji3 ci4 liao ah? ji3 ci4 liao ah?" hahaha!!!
and like 'for once, yada yada"

私のことを好きな人はどこかなあ。。。
速く会いたいけど、今までいつも会えなかった。
いるかなあ？いるはずけど、どうしてまだ私の人生にこないなのか。
いつもそんなこと考えてる。
でもね、私はずっとほかの人を好きになっちゃって。。。リベカちゃんも私にそんなことを言って：“一回でも、チャンスがある人を好きになってください。ほかの女を思ってる男の子はだめだ！”
私も知っている。。。私もがんばってる。
今日、あの人が“一緒に行かない？”といってくれたけど、考えた後で、ことわれた。
バースに座って、ずっとあのこと考えてた。
心は痛いけど、
ドラマによく出てる悲しいキャーラになりたくない。
だから、忘れたい。

oh ya, spotted this really nice and emo song on the junior class blog.
oh man why is it so emo lol.

보고싶지만, 보고싶지않아.
너 다른사람 좋아하고있어서, 우리는 불가능하다.
그게 다알고있어.
그래도, 보고싶어..
너의곁에있을때 너무행복하고, 너무즐거워요.
그런데, 그여자생각할때, 니가말했던말생각할때, 나의뚱뚱한몸매생각할때마다,
너무슬프고, 빨이이런좋아하는 감정을 잊고싶어.

2008-02-18T06:25:00.000-08:00

right...high time i updated rite? lotsa things to say actually but shall do the very technical stuff first. the "today blahblahblahblah i felt blahblahblah" thing.

valentine's day
haha..realised my angel was kahloke!!! =D he seems as high as i am LOL. and jerome found out that i was his angel! hahaha...he's like. quite shocked i guess. LOL. both of them got me very nice gifts! =) as for the 60 ones...hmm, my mortal gave me nothing, whereas i spent like almost 5 bucks on him? and huifen like spent 2 dollars on hers? O.O and my 60 angel, a very nice guy apparently, got me this ferror rocher bouquet thing that's really really ex and i really dint know wat to get him. erps. hahaha... got him a notebook and a dark choc later. hahaha. got my 66 angel deodorant. LOL. gahhh. some say i very bad. eh, but it's espirit deodorant lor, got brand one ok. hahaha. albert recommend one. O.O

strings movie outing
wellz. we watched ps i love you. =) was a really nice and touching show. considering that we went with erm....let's see. 9 ppl..got bjorn, shihou, wayne, kenneth, manlok, zhengwei, guanhui. den there was me and tianyi. a bit imbalanced rite. but the guys got cry lor. especially bjorn, like cry every 5 minutes or sth (according to mr yap guanhui) hahaha...wah, dint know the guys so emotional one. but ya lah, i also got cry a bit lah. the movie was really quite touching. =) recommended.

japanese class
i signed up for jap class at JCS. it's the same class as leo, and the first lesson was rather. hmm. well different from korean classes. but i must admit, the teacher's good. it's just that. all learn before already...so felt a bit... like a waste of money. and time. but then again, a lot of things also nv learn before. no choice lar...liddat i go for exam also pass half the other half fail not exactly very nice.

strings orientation
strings orientation was fun i guess? hmmmm. yeah. me and huifen kinda bombed each other real bad during the games. hahahahaha. and zomg. the water bomb thing. GRRRR. i dunno kena how many shots from that water gun lah! and dunno where they fill the water from one lor!!! the water was SO freaking COLD. and plus the wind etc etc. WAT THEEEEE. hope the j1s had fun...though i had much more to say abt it but i cant really recall.

tsukuba
the tsukuba ppl are coming!!! lisa FINALLY emailed me last night. -.- early ah? yeap. but i'm excited! will post more as the date draws nearer =)

that's as far as i can remember.

well...over the past 2 months, my point of view abt certain matters, my judgement of a person(s) and many many other things changed. basically, i realised that every single day gave me lotsa surprise, things i've never paid attention to before, friendships i'd foresaken etc. looking back to the 1 year i spent in hc, i think i really spent lotsa time doing useless stuff that, i dont really regret and i realised some extremely bad habits and bad behaviours that i exhibit which i'm trying my best to change, setting others as my role model. hopefully i'll become a better person at the end of my jc life! =)

we must all learn to let go at some point of time.

2008-01-31T04:48:00.000-08:00

today was a rather fun day so i decided, i shall post!!! -grinz- hahahaha...
basically, today was one of those days where i really laughed A LOT and basically couldnt stop giggling at every single thing. and most of the things went well =)

ok. so firstly in the morning, i was very very amused. LOL.
ok i dint wake up amused ok. i'm not that siao4 yet.
(ok chelz just said i'm bimbo coz i use zomg but wth! i learnt it from some guy..ithink...o.0)

ok. i woke up at 5.20am this morning. i was intending to wake up at 5.40. but i realised my mom dint iron my uniform for me. so i forced my eyes open and started ironing clothes at 5.20am in the morning. NICE way to start the day yeah? dont u think so?

so anyway. i left the house. and reached 1st storey of my block at 5.40am sharp. and i realised i dint bring my safety pin and college pin!!! grrrrrr. but i decided i shall go to school coz if not i'll miss the 5.50am 67 bus which will get me to school on time and since i wanted to sleep on the bus so yeah... ok. so, in my sub-conscious state, i decided to walk to the bus interchange.

so i slept on the bus.
hmm. yeah.
almost missed my stop.
but owellz.
hahahahahahaahah.

anyway. den i was walking into school. den went to this toilet near the courts to tie my hair before i go to the class bench and freak everybody with my horrendous hair style. LOL. and den was walking and saw bearbear!!! so i said hi to her. and she was like "yo" lol. so i bought coffee pau and she bought this...i think it's plain water. so that she can make honey water which seriously looked like something else ammonia-ish to me. LOL. yeap. den we were walking. and we stopped somewhere to say our last few words before we part. and these 2 guys walked past me. and the guy nearest to me kinda SMACKED me with his shoe bag?!?!? and i was like. HUH?! i was going to turn around and smack that dude. when i realised.

who the freaking earth is he?!?!?!?!
like. WHO. o.0
i mean. i dont know him at ALL lah. like.
WAT THE. did some stranger just.
smack me. for..
FOR WAT?!!?!!?!? for the sake of smacking me?!?!!?

i was standing there stoning out of shock and rebaca was rather amused.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
but i remembered that guy's face. yeah.
something squarish.
i think.
hmm.

SO anyway. den i went to class bench. andddd...errr....yeah.

ok next thing. chelz came to find me. so we kinda walked to the field there to talk. and i was rather amused when peiwei came. LOL. and somehow we got on the topic of how to ask someone out know? so i was like saying.

"eh yo let's go watch movie you3 mei2 you3? like the two of us only you know? yo yo? on on?"
BWAHAHAHAHAHA.
whoever do that sure fail one lah. HAHAHAHAHAHA.
....oh wellz. not like i asked anyone out ever in my life before other than my darling 402-ers.
and somemore. HAHAHA. been trying to ask those dudets out during valentine's day.
so everytime i meet one of them in school i'll ask, "eh, you free on valentine's day?"
LOL. i bet some ppl tot i was les. RIGHT? but gah. too bad, i'm too straight to be bent. LOL....HAHAHAHAHAHA.

so.....yeah. peiwei sorta popped out of nowhere and i was really amused by him.
and i kinda giggled my way to assembly. dennnnn
went to canteen! and nan2 de2 saw mr jong you3 mei2 you3?
so i smacked him on the back and attempted to scare him lar.
but wat the. he just continued with watever he was doing like NOTHING HAPPENED!!!
my fren tot i was CRAZY lar. wat the hell. gahhhhhhhh. *abish*

den after that...physics lecture.
like zomg.
first lecture that i dint feel like sleeping. hahahaha.
i dunno why also. hmm. wat was i doing.... oh ya....errrrr i kinda had milo.
maybe that explains why i'm so high.
oh yah..wat else. errrrr xcountry thingee...

ok gotta rush. need to sleep soon. zomg i took so long to write this?!!?

ermmm....other major events....
had fun talking to my junior class guys too. they're damn funny hahahahahaha.
and errrrrrrrrr. my csc lunwen's proposal's kinda. like. there. in a sense. yeah.
and...
OH YAH. GO 07S66 class blog and you'll see wat we did during chem lect. LOL.
damn funny!!!!
daryl and his shit story. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

dennnnnnnn.......
went for fac dance session. yay now i know the steps to both ares and athena fac dances =)
i kinda piah-ed.
and met peiwei.
OH SPEAKING OF WHICH.
lol!!!!!!
last time was at chelz's class bench and was talking to joce and pw.
den kinda found out that frederick's name's peiwei too!!! hahahaha.
so i was like "PEIWEI!" and tragic turned around
and it was damn funny!!!
hahaha... ok it doesnt sound funny here but it IS funny ok.
and i really cant remember how i know frederick...hmm.
shumin asked us last time and we were both like. hmm ya hor.
how did we know each other ah. hmmmm.
i'm still thinking. let's hope we come up with an answer.
but ANW. LOL. now everytime i see him i'll scream "PEIWEI!" hahahaha.

errrrrrrrrrrr.
ok. enough of my random highness.
gtg le.
bbbbbbb

j2's SOOOOOOOOOOO busy.
GRRRR

2008-01-19T07:46:00.000-08:00

今天，妈妈打了通电话回中国老家。
我才发现，这几天爸爸妈妈都在为什么而烦恼。
原来我外公（didi) 生病了。而且还刚动了手术。

我知道的，还真少啊。
真觉得自己好没良心。从来不曾担心过我的外公外婆，爷爷奶奶。
直到他们呼出最后一口气时，我也不知道。
当每个人都在伤心难过，担心流泪时，
我还在这里，过着自己逍遥自在的生活。

随着年龄的增长，我越来越想回国了。
真的好想回去看看我的老太，外公外婆，叔叔阿姨，哥哥姐姐弟弟妹妹们。
不知他们都过得怎样，是否伤心流泪过，是否为什么事高兴喝彩过。
老太的脸上又多了几道皱纹，姐姐妹妹又变多漂亮了，哥哥弟弟长多高了，外公是否还在抽烟，有没有喝酒，叔叔阿姨们都是否为爱情流泪过，笑过。

他们都还记得我吗。
我回去的时候，是否能看到他们。
我还能认识他们吗？

我好想我爷爷奶奶。。。
直到他们离开我的那一秒，我都没意识到。
他们的死讯来得突然，毫无现实感。
没见到奶奶的最后一面，
5，6年没和她说过一句话，没问候过她。
她走了以后，也没看过她孙女一眼，
也不知道她孙女最近长多高了，最近生活如何。
=（

我好讨厌每天都得这样地过着，
每天被生活的一切捆绑住，
没办法关心我在意的人。

今天听说，外婆为外公的事情吓到身体直颤抖，
外公手术后也因很痛而哭过。
外公前几个月也因胸口痛看过医生。
老太也看过几次医生，连为什么我也不知道。
如果有一天，他们突然离我而去，我会怎么办呢。
哭吗？

我真的好想快点回国，看看他们老人家。
让他们知道，他们的孙女，虽然离他们很远，但还是关心着他们的。
不知不觉，我们都长大了，他们也老了。
我们到底都还能活多久呢？
我不想留下任何遗憾…
那陪我坐车，为我翻箱倒柜找桃子的奶奶，真的走了吗？
她会记得我吗？会想我吗？
虽然不知道，但我很肯定，我会永远思念着她…

我长大后一定要赚很多很多的钱，
我一定要跟随我的父母，
一定要常常，要不天天，探望他们，
天天与他们通话。

我真的没有勇气面对离别。
我的父母到底是以什么样的心情，面对我和妹妹的无理取闹，
面对那些来自大舅不全面不完整的消息，
他们明知道，中国那里事情很多，烦恼很多，
但却除了通过电话打听消息，寄点钱回家，
什么也不能做了。

有钱多好啊，这样就可以常常飞回去探望他们。

面对这些，
他们是如何天天带着微笑度过的？
有时候，我真觉得我知道的，好少好少。

越讲越乱了，不想说了。
我只想现在飞到外公面前，问他一声，
“最近还好吗？哪里痛吗？要喝水吗？有天天运动，天天按时吃饭吗？”
帮他按摩按摩，跟他说我的一切，逗他笑，关心他。

总之。好想见见他们。

2008-01-13T03:40:00.000-08:00

omg i'm so busy i cant believe it

screwed up senior meet junior session.

er.

and what?!?! erm
orientation was fun?
er...but i tot this year standard not as good as last year.
i dint get wat the apollo a15 was saying.
AT ALL.
it was simply TOO CHEEM.
hahahaha.
and zomg shangyong's class was hilarious.
like.
"arty-nah"
HAHAHAHa.

ok, that's like the only one that could be comparable to our 66 last year. -grinz-

ermmmmmm....
yeah. the 60 one was rather random...dint get wat they were exactly trying to say but
wellz. some parts were funny.
especially minjun.
lol. calafare? how do you spell that word o.0

and was talking to danxun this morning whose msn nick was soooooooooo
vulgar o.0 yeah.
something with the f-word on it.
and she's so indulging in it.
and her postcard was hilarious, it's wat you'll call
simply danxun
you know? shall give u guys an excerpt.
"Well you sounded really depressed and stuff on your nick and your blog and you never told me what was bothering you! (you never asked!!!) well you sounded like something or someone is forcing you 2 have sex with him OR her?!?!?! Wells. if so. Just go ahead! it's not like many ppl will ask again =) !!"
like.
WAT THE HELLLLL.
i was laughing like siao when i read it during lecture.
like.
oh man. it's SO danxun. hahahah.

ermmmmm wat else.
erm
busking was kinda....
disappointing. LOL. i spent ALL my money ALREADY.
wat
the
5$#@%$@%$#2

and ermmmmmm.
ok basically orientation night was horribly embarassing?
coz me and tian had no 66 to follow, so the 2 of us were wandering about.
so tian pulled me to join the 74 circle?!?!?
and i was like singing songs with this unknown guy
whom i am VERY glad that i DID NOT remember the face or name of
BECAUSE i was simply TOO extra and TOO diu1 lian3.
AHHHHHHHH
wat the hell.
thanks tianyi for making the night memorable.
gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ok shall stop thinking about it.

dancing was horrendous coz had no one to dance with.

ohohohoh.
but i met renzhi!!!!
oh man i so missed her!!!!!
although she reminds me of another certain someone
who
literally
5$#@%$#@%$@%$# =) you guess the word
but ah wellz, i really missed her so much!
she's still as pretty as ever
and still the renzhi that i know of
and i cant imagine how we could ever lose contact!
we were like the best of frens in sec2

sighx.
speaking of which.
i'm feeling kinda sabishii lately.
together with mommy.
it's just..liddat lor.
hopefully it gets over soon.
sometimes, all u need is more appreciation, less bitching and more harmony.

sighxxxxxx ok watever.
lalalalalalalal.
i have to go back to my CSC homework
which literally isnt homework at all
but is after all homework
but nevertheless puts me off since i dont think it's homework
coz it's in no way a homework-ish thingee
but AH WELL.
shall do it anyway.
coz i'll fail my A's if i dont. yeah.
SUCKS!

gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
why do i feel so old and stressed?!?!!?
wat the. i'm not even legal and 18 yet!!!
oh no, but soon i will be

oh man. reminds me of 60's performance.
that lord of the rings thingee.
that small boy. when he spoke in that watcha call that?
that ugly little thingee in lord of the rings?
aiyah that THING lah.
it was SO FUNNY!!!! oh man. hahahah.

ok going off course. shall update later. (which is like in forever)
byebye!

OH MAN MY BLOG'S SO DEAD WTH.

2007-12-27T05:58:00.000-08:00

hmm.
went to sch today.
and some ppl were playing some music at the central plaza.
and i thought.

hwachong's really a romantic place.
i love it everytime they blast music in the central plaza.
makes me wanna just sit outside lt3, stoning out into the school field and enjoying the breeze.
it's a really nice feeling.
you just feel like everything's so relaxed
and you're so "surrounded" somehow.
like. yeah.

wonder how the next batch of j1s are feeling right now.
i cant believe i'm a j2.
and i've got tons of work.
wth.
GRR

2007-12-26T23:35:00.000-08:00

weeeeeeeeee
just came back from school.
hmm.

okiez. just a quick update.

yesterday went out with the JH1 ppl and HCSE! =D

in the morning, went to ono sensei's house and it was kinda awkard coz. well, i simply dont know wat's right and wat's wrong coz her parents are there and i'm like. erpsss...i dont know my keigoooo...GAH. den dunno what i do is right or wrong. den we played cards and stuff and asshole daidi. WAHAHAH. ok, i was stuck at asshole for the whole time until the last game when i became queen! -weeeeeeeee- hahahaha. ok.

moe cyan was as cute as ever as usual. lolz.
and yes! the food was ZOMG SUPER nice =)
we ate erm watcha call that.
erm. that thing. erm. YES. tempura.
was super nice and healthy!!! i felt so super shiawase. lol.

den after that took lotsa pictures and stuff yeap.
heard that ono sensei may be going back to japan so was kinda sad abt that. hmm
ah well. must keep in contact with her =)

den after that went to isetan jap supermarket to get some stuff. LOL.
got mirin, miso, and stuff. yeah.
my parents got me the japanese rice too.
problem is.

I DONT KNOW HOW TO STORE THEM!! O.O
like. i dunno whether they'll spoil or wat. like.
BRRRR. coz i heard jap rice has to be best kept in the freezer or sth and i'm like. WAT?!
my freezer's so puny and packed larx. brrrr.

but anyway. later went to daiso.
and felt cheated coz i bought something thinking it was a bento box but ok. it wasnt.
BRRRR.

then went to marina square and met up with the strings ppl at changing appetites.
the food was well, not as great as wat i had last time coz i wanted to save money so i bought something cheaper. it was SUPER spicy, the spaghetti. and as i was tearing away at the super spicy spaghetti, daryl's XMAS message came in. at like. 7pm??? on the 26th of december??? and i was like wat?! that's like an addition to all the messages i had in my inbox yesterday morning when i woke up. my hp just kept on vibrating non-stop and i was like wat the. den all the xmas messages and what not. hahaha... jammed i guess.

den after eating, calvin was collating all the money. so he was counting and counting and giving all the coins and notes and what not, the waitress was rather impatient and stood there waiting for us for a long time. haha...and jane was like saying, "she has a pissed look" but calvin dint really bother lah. so in the end when he finally finished counting most of the money, he shoved all the coins and notes away and gave his credit card to the woman.

i was like.
WHAT?!?!?! haha!!!!
that scene was SUPER funny!!!
like, you stand there count for so long and then you give me a credit card wat the?!!?!?
LOL. super amused.

hmmmmm. yeap. that's all bahx.
kz. gotta go.
cant wait for school to open.
coz i wanna remember how it felt to wear the school u again. lol.
somehow, you miss it when you dont wear it.
ok, fine, that's for me alright.
i dunno abt u guys.

oh.
and some things made me a little bothered these few days.
but i'm not exactly ready to blog abt them.
hmm. so ah well. =)

2007-12-23T08:20:00.000-08:00

heyyyyyyz figured i shld update. hahaz.

went for tsukuba outing today! =D

erps. met at 11am and reached home at 11pm.

just realised how long we played. no wonder mommy not happy =(

anyway.

watched national treasure! =D book of secrets.

i thought the assistant was more hot than the lead but owellz. haha...

http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/nationaltreasure/

sighx, the poor assistant wasnt even featured in this picture. oh wellz. let's have one of him alone then -grinz-

ok. not exactly hot here. justin bartha. owellz. nvm.

den after watching, we met chelz at taka and all 5 of us went to shumin's house.

we played ps, played mahjong, played cards, played badminton,ate pastamania pizza and played more cards -grinz- mahjong was fun coz leo dint know how to play and shumin wasnt exactly a patient teacher LOLz. den leo was as irritating as ever and chelz and me were just like erps watever and laughing like siao. badminton was fun too! =D first time a sport that all of us could play and were of about the same level (meaning we all sucked at it) LOL. it was a guys against girls match and guess what, the girls were like pwning the guys like crazy -grinz- basically, their balls were like going zig zag and totally out of court lah. haha! den was the asshole for quite some time when playing asshole daidi but after that i wont and became king! -grinz- but yeah, it dint last long. must admit i suck at daidi.

was really fun haha...watched the match between everton and man-u too.

leonardo was rooting for everton coz he dint like either and disliked everton less whereas shumin and chelz were for man u. peiwei had nothing to say.

and as for me.

wellz. i dint really know wat was going on other than the fact that ronaldo was zomg hot. LOL.

den later went home at around 10+

peiwei scam me lah. took 39 home from khatib and it took rather long.

gonna miss going out with the tsukuba ppl manzz..

once sch starts, everyone's gonna be busy with their own stuff and we wont really have much time to meet up. so sad rite.

hopefully the next outing, shangyong and shibao can come too =)

and hopefully mel's toenail's fine hmm...

anyway.

got jh1 outing and strings dinner coming up on wednesday!

mom says she's gonna ground me but sighx.

i dunno.

ono sensei and her mom're making lunch for us!

how can i ever miss that?!

haha...shall wait and see.

okiez. that's all for now dudes. =)

nite!

2007-12-14T05:48:00.000-08:00

why the hell am i ALWAYS caught in such situations. BLEAGHX.

aiyah watever lar. anyway

YAY today i went out with chelsea and huifen.

=D and zomg i really feel like punching one of them

ZZZ make me change my violin lesson and made me carry my violin around for nothing wth gahgahgahgahgahgah.

we went to the gym first and gloria joined us. den later we went to huifen's house for lunch.

den we watched warlords!!!

yes. takeshi kaneshiro is SOOO shuai.

the show was super gruesome and sad larx...i hid my head behind chelz many times.

hahaha...caused her a lot of pain.

coz she was sitting on my right. den everytime i see something gruesome coming up,

i'll try and hide from it by placing my forehead on her shoulders and using my hair to cover the screen. LOLZ but everytime i do that i bang my head very hard on her shoulders.

hahaha...

how come my head not pain her shoulder pain LOL.

k not the point.

aiyah..i got nothing else to say.

but gg..i just got 2 calls consecutively and i'm like booked for saturday AND sunday. wthhhhh

just when i tot i could sleep. sighx.

i've been going out every single day this week lar.

monday - tsukuba outing + running + abel and gang

tuesday - went out running, not really counted but zzz still.

wednesday - practice + gig

thursday - kena pangseh-ed + gig

friday - huifen etc

saturday - abel and gang

sunday - violin lesson + 66 gathering

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ gahhhhhhhhh

i wanna sleep. sighx.

Brett Dennen - Ain't No Reason

there ain't no reasons things are this way

its how they've always been and they intend to stay

i can't explain why we live this way

we do it everyday

preachers on the podiums speaking to saints

prophets on the sidewalks begging for change

old ladies laughing from the fire escape, cursing my name

i got a basket full of lemons and they all taste the same

a window and a pigeon with a broken wing

you can spend your whole life working for something

just to have it taken away

people walk around pushing back their desks

wearing pay checks like necklaces and bracelets

talking 'bout nothing, not thinking about their

every little heart beat, every little breath

people walk a tight rope on a razor's edge

carrying their hurt and hatred and weapons

it could be a bomb or a bullet or a pin

or a thought or a word or a sentence.

there ain't no reasons things are this way

its how they've always been and they intend to stay

i don't know why i say the things i say,

but i say them anyway.

but love will come set me free

love will come set me free

i do believe

love will come set me free

i know it will

love will come set me free

yes

prison walls still standing tall

some things never change at all

keep on building prisons,gonna fill them all.

keep on building bombs

gonna drop them all

working your fingers bare to the bone

breaking your back, make you sell your soul

like a lung is filled with coal, suffocating slow

the wind blows wild and i may move

but politicians lie and i'm not fooled

you don't need no reason or a 3 piece suit

to argue the truth

the air in my skin and the world under my toes

labor is stitched into the fabric of my toes

chaos and commotion wherever i go

love, i try to follow

but love will come set me free

love will come set me free

i do believe

love will come set me free

i know it will

love will come set me free

yes

there ain't no reasons things are this way

its how they've always been and they intend to stay

i can't explain why we live this way;

we do it everyday.

2007-12-08T23:39:00.000-08:00

finally, from a most impossible source,
i gathered the answer that answered all my questions, my uncertainties.
despite the hurt it may bring me, i went to double check.

and it was true.
i saw your words.
your words for that other special someone.
all the pieces of the puzzle started coming together.

it's not really that i had any intention of being in her position.
we were never meant for that kind of r/s anyway.
but i was just shocked that, you placed her well above me.
all the years of friendship, couldnt be compared to 1 year with her.
it was a drop from 97% to 3%.
it's just so sudden so unexpected so unreasonable.

i have to admit that i had high hopes for you,
after all, i always left a place in my heart, a very unique and special place for you,
even if i had a crush, an eyecandy watever.
that place always belonged to you and i was always ready to be there for you.
but apparently it wasnt the same for you.
apparently i could be easily replaced by her.
i'm not angry at her or you.
simply disappointed.

no one the feeling was so wrong.
no wonder you avoided me all along.
it must have been a chore being with me.
as you have written in that message to her.
how unlucky it must have been.
when you had to be with me,
rather than her.
what am i, compared to her?
nothing perhaps.
totally not worthy of your attention.

but now i know.
that i'll have to attend to myself.
and that you're no longer who i tot u were.
not the trustworthy friend i tot who'll always be there for me.
who promised me so.
you are not.
and i'll grant you the wish,
of being non-irritating,
i will never ever disturb u,
you can go on and sms her all you want,
i wont even attempt to peep at you smsing,
since you very kindly shoved me away,
even though we promised each other so much.
apparently it meant nothing to you.
since you dont want to maintain this r/s
i shall cooperate.
i will stop sending you birthday wishes.
i'll stop trying to ask you whether you're ok,
whether everything's been fine for you lately.
since you dont bother abt me either.

i just dont see why i'm giving my all,
putting in so much efforts,
for the past 2 years..when all you had for me was dull replies and coldness.
i just dont see what else i can do for you,
than just let you be.
since you already said i was a chore.
and since she means everything to you.
and since you never left a little corner for me,
despite the fact that i cherished our friendship so much.

i get your message now.
and rest assure,
i wont ever disturb you ever again.
i wont ever knock on the door of you heart,
and i'll never ever try to decode the password to your heart,

i know very well now that,
despite the memories we share,
the bond that we share,

i'm not welcomed in your heart.
and i'll stop causing you pain by trying to get in,
i'll grant you your wish.
and leave you alone.

i'll still be nice to you,
the politically-right nice-ness you've been giving me.
if that's what you want.

i may have lost your trust long ago.
and you've lost mine now.
i guess there's no arguing abt that.

goodbye, and you'll never see/hear anything more of me than necessary.

2007-12-08T06:26:00.000-08:00

为什么一切美好的事物都不能长久停留?

你有看过静止不动的流水吗？
还是有看过不会往前漂的遗物？
就因为他们会移动，
所以啊，一切美好的事物才会来到你身边。
一切的一切都会来了，又走
如果不走，就会变。
与其看到那些曾经让你快乐的事情变质，
不如带着微笑，送它们离开。

2007-12-01T21:13:00.001-08:00

haha...yeap i'm back from japan woohooo.
harapan asked me wat was the most enjoyable and fun thing i did there.
and i told him it was the night when i stayed at the youth hostel until 1+ playing cards with the singaporeans. LOL. ok. he was very diaoed -.- by me. HAHA. but yeah, i laughed a lot that nite.

hmmm...i dont think i'll write an entry about wat i did every single day yeah. haha...
hmmm and i just realised that, the advertising little booklet i got from this flyer giver on the streets, was actually advertising all the host clubs and brothels in japan. wow. o.0
it's expensive siah. hahahaha. ok. watever.

hmmmz.
yeah. wat do i have to say. nothing much actually. haha.
but i realised i nv blog much so yeah. here's an entry o.0

ok lah, i do have stuff to say lar.
but ppl will complain they dun understand me again. DIAO.
eh tsukuba ppl let's go out for (oh btw, zomg japan's guys are REALLY hot siah) a sports outing yeah? =D -grinz-

anyway. k.
wat i wanted to say is that.

sometimes, i feel that, none of my friends really do know me and i dont really know any of my friends.
it's just like, sometimes when we misunderstand them or we get angry at them for being who they are, be it whether they're flirt or irritating, if you really think about it, that's who they are! i mean. if you really are they're friend, then by right, you would be rather, i dunno. expecting it to happen? i really dont know how to phrase it. it's just that sometimes when you watch tv shows, you realise that those buddies who're together for ages, they know what their friends are thinking and get angry at them not to get irritated, but to try and knock some sense into their friends, to help them.
so i was thinking, if i felt that my friend is a flirt or my friend is freakingly irresponsible, if i really were their friend, i should be thinking more of, "that's who she is" or "how shld i tell her that she's irritating me" and not "wtf she sucks" and stuff. right?

sometimes when i hear ppl talking awful stuff abt their friends behind their backs, i start to wonder, is the friendship that we all have at this stage ripe enough, mature enough? in that sense.

perhaps not.
just exactly how many of your friends can tell who you are really inside?
or at the least, how many of them can see through your actions and lies?

many of my friends stay true to the principle that,
"i'll rather have 1 or 2 true friends than many friends who turn into strangers after a few years"

i'm not sure
and i dont know.
perhaps wat we all need is time,
to get to know each other even better,
but i feel that you're just avoiding me.
for wat i dont know.
and i'm not even sure now whether we're that close.
if we dint have to meet up, would you have asked me out for a drink or a movie?
if i dint sms you, would you sms me to ask me how i was lately?
do u really know who i am?
or are u just assuming that you know me? and i'm just letting you be?
i tried to buck up the courage to say that,
hey man, i really miss talking to you, tell me how's ur life now.
and i even went on to the extend such that i started thinking how i should say it, practising inside my mind.
and when you came along and just dumped me a few sentences and avoided my questions and avoided me totally, i dint know wat to do.
and when i found out what happened to you before u met me that day,
i started wondering, if i really knew you.
if i had known you, and we're that close,
why wont you even tell me abt such a thing? even when i asked you how things are going.
and i realised that i dint know you well either, if not i would have realised and observed from your words and actions. but i dint.

just who are we?
friends?
best friends?
the life and death kinda friendship?
must it be ranked that way? must best friends know each other better than friends?
must friends who can trust their life with each other know each other better than normal friends?
i dont know and i'm starting to worry what's gonna happen in future.
i find myself finding and preparing words to say when i'm with you and it's just not rite.
i'm not myself and i'm worried of you not liking what i do or say.
what's going on?

perhaps we need even more time.
20 years perhaps.
i'm really afraid that we'll lose that tiniwinny link we share.
when you find someone you love, you'll most probably forget all about me.
which is why i dread asking you who you're going out with every single time.
which is why sometimes i selfishly hope that i'll leave you before you leave me.
coz i know, there's no other option.
it's either you. or me. it just doesnt seem to be "us" anymore.